BraveMen S4E110: John Arana - Disqualified

The world is full of negativity and negativity usually tells us that we're disqualified. That somehow we don't measure up as a man. Somehow we haven't really hit the path that's gonna take us to that place of being the guy that we know we can be but probably never will be. We're gonna talk about the feeling of disqualification and how to overcome that today on Brave Men. I'm here with Pastor John Arana and John this is something all of us deal with. Absolutely. You've been in places of leadership over the years. Absolutely. And everybody always felt qualified. On the contrary. Always felt like I'm the guy. Always felt like man are you sure? Are you sure I'm the guy for this? Because I don't think so. Hey do you think that maybe that sense of I am the guy I'm the man? Do you think maybe that actually means you guys not qualified? But he just doesn't know what I tell you what. I definitely would think twice about putting somebody like that in leadership. Exactly. Because I think that's that's man it's a little arrogant and it's also a little bit pretentious. Yeah presumptuous. You know thinking like I'd have a little pride. You think you really got this? You think you got this? You're in for a surprise. Well and that's the thing it's like it's like being married. You know I know guys I know guys who say and you've heard this because you counsel a lot of people. Hey you know we're not going to get married till I'm really ready. Dude you're never going to be ready. Well you're never going to get married. Yeah. You know as well just yeah got the burn and just go for it. It's quit burning just get married. Hey it's going to be a great conversation today with John Arana on feeling disqualified and overcoming that sense of disqualification today on Brave Man. It's Brave Man with Paul Lewis Cole wisdom and courage for the journey. John I can think of so many different places that we have a sense of being disqualified and in fact I can I don't know that of any position I've been put in where I felt like man I've I've got this. Totally got this until you've done it for a while. Yeah and you still wondering man you know as as you progress and maybe you have a little bit of success you start thinking I'm still over my head here you know I'm I'm still on on on chartered water and you're thinking like I don't know man I don't know if I can do this you know. I'm with John Rana's pastor of Oasis Church in Arlington Texas and leadership specialist and you've traveled all over the world and taught taught leaders actually and do you think the is this sort of one of the things that keeps coming up with different men the sense of disqualification hey I screwed up in my life so I probably will never I hear all the time you know I talk to guys leaders and non-leaders and and everybody has that concern that you know maybe I'm gonna get found out I'm gonna get found out that I'm not really you know qualified to do this or I'm gonna get found out that I'm you know faking it till I make it you know and I I hear that a lot Paul you know there's one thing let's say let's say you guys mechanic let's say I'm a mechanic and I'm working on maybe I'm a specialist on you know German cars you know with BMW and stuff yeah maybe I'm a specialist on that and I can measure that yeah so now I feel qualified sure what's difficult are the things that are more difficult to measure yeah being a dad sure being a husband yeah being a coach you know you know you know am I doing the right thing for my kids sure am I actually leading my life leadership probability your leadership ability right your character you know dude character man now you're starting to kind of get into my life here holy holy you know and I think of you know what I think of on this is I think of David and first Samuel chapter 30 David has actually kind of come out of his worst area of depression okay when he's in cave yeah and he's fighting he's got some men they're fighting and and he's following the leading of God and then one time he doesn't and he goes to a place called Zicklag oh right and then from Zicklag he uses that as a base camp and he goes off and fights and when he comes back everything he owns is gone wiped out it's wiped out women cattle children everything is gone it's all gone yeah and his men who have trusted him look at him and go dude this is your fault man you messed up yeah I mean what's it man that's got to be a tough time of feeling disqualified imagine yeah not only the unknown or immeasurable what about if I am able to measure it but I did screw up and you realize I think Paul in my experience you know God wants to create a sense of dependency on him there you go and I think that he does it by putting us in situations that are going to go beyond ourselves in order for us to confront ourselves with our limitations and be able to then depend on him but when we start relying simply on our abilities or talents you know which we all have and it's good yeah you know we could use them and everything but if we think I'm gonna get this done simply by my talents and my abilities then I think that's when we can measure very clearly that we have not measured up to the objective and that God wants to create that sense of hey you deep me the sense of dependence on him yeah yeah and that's what it says in Romans it says all the entire world has been has been given a sense of frustration so that you know the whole scripture about every knee will bow and every tongue will confess the Christ's Lord you know the what brings that to pass is a sense of frustration and man life is not turning out the way it should yeah things are not good yeah so but but when we talk about spiritual leadership and and character and manhood yeah a lot of us feel disqualified we did stuff or stuff happened to us yeah you know we we were abused or we were you know we had somebody tell us a coach in 7th grade say hey man you'll never yeah you know good you know you know or a mentor or somebody that we trusted and they and they turn on us and and all of a sudden we carry this negativity and I think it's exacerbated by the world because the world's negative by nature yeah yeah I think there's so much emphasis on performance even even in ministry you know even doing God's thing there's so much focus on performance you know what are your numbers how how big are you how far have you gone how many places you've been and I think that that that's intimidating to a person that's thinking I don't know if I'm gonna be able to make it you know when when a reality God focuses on the heart and if God can get to the heart then God can get you to a place where you can achieve things that were way beyond yourself yeah I think you're I think that's exactly right so David comes back and I love this thing he did come back and he goes okay I messed up you guys yes and you're all like yeah you messed up we're gonna kill you yeah this this says that they were thinking about taking them out you know what we lost everything yeah we lost everything and and this guy did it with follow him is his fault he's not qualified to be the leader yeah so what did David do he did exactly what you're talking about John he went he sought God he sought God he said God I messed I went in my talent yeah man I'm a great warrior yeah what I've done absolutely yeah and he went off just on his own yeah right it's like he opened a car dealership but yeah but the Lord hadn't told him to do it he started a new business he he changed jobs yeah yeah and and it wasn't the leading of the Lord and it's like gosh I changed jobs and things are worse and yeah disruption in my family and man I missed it so what do you do you do it David they got to go to God and he repented and he repented yeah repented he realized hey I fit this arrogantly thinking that I don't even need God no I've got it man and how I realized no wait a minute wait a minute yeah I can I need to go back and I need to understand that my relationship with God and my dependency on God is critical God will use my talents but I need that connection I need that divine connection and he repented to God now here's another thing he's a good one he repented to his man yeah yeah and I think that's a difficult thing to do for a man who's married yeah I think it's hard to sit down and say I missed I'm sorry yeah it's easier to say yeah I'm a jerk I'm an idiot you know I'm out I'm gonna get drunk yeah it's it it's easier to do that it's easier rather than just sit there and go hey yeah I'll repent I missed I'm sorry so let's pray together yeah yeah I'm sorry yeah and let's get the leading of the Lord yeah and what did God tell David sure this is one of the greatest turnarounds I love this story yeah yeah and I know you've taught it a lot oh yeah and God tells David go and recover all go do it go do it now because I'm because he with you and I'm because I'll be with you and I'm the ones directing you that's right exactly and and I love the ending of the story because he comes back with all the spoils and he comes back with everything recovered and more and more and then at the end he tells the people he tells we're gonna share these spoils with the older men and we're gonna share these spoils with the ones that couldn't come with us so I mean you know they they just blossom man from that one decision that I gotta go with God I gotta I gotta depend on God yeah you know that that sense of feeling disqualified I of anybody I guess you know David should have been disqualified I mean we name our kids David right yeah everybody names kids David right because he was a great guy yeah yeah and yet he he killed his best friend to get the guy's wife it's like yeah and also remember when when the prophet came to annoying the the sons of Jesse oh yeah Jesse didn't even call David oh there's well he had to deal with the he had to deal with his dad's disqualifying him that's right that's a good point exactly this dad disqualified dad disqualified him yeah not not David everybody else yeah yeah yeah yeah he's think about that he's looking at his sons and he goes hey one of you is gonna be the king yeah oh yeah now you won't be you David yeah you can go it won't be you yeah of course David did did end up then we can do this another program but but David did walk back in when he did show up Sam who goes isn't there anybody else yeah yeah because he looked at Eliat the oldest yeah son it goes that must be this guy got loose like a I mean the guy sure it's kind of like the guy can shoot he's gonna house side shot yeah he's got the moves he's gotta be the one this must be the guy he's got all the right talents got all the tools yeah you just don't know that you can't play when somebody's garden but but that's what happened and God said no you look on the outside but I look on the inside that's it and he had developed a character in David yeah and then when David shows up he looks different than the other boys yeah so there must be an end it could have been another reason yeah these are all right Sam here all said David yeah the profits coming right and uh I need him not to see you yeah exactly he's gonna I'm gonna win the profit ask for the profit ask would you have any other side of the kids like well I do have this one kid David walks in he's got he's the red head steptile in the sense he walks in he says he's got ruddy complexion no result looks totally different than the other boys all right that's a whole other story that's all story but hey okay so look at this wouldn't David then have felt disqualified even in the fact that he was born in a way we don't know the details we just know he's different right and Sam in in his dad didn't want him in front of the yeah you know the profit perhaps David from the very start felt disqualified by his dad yeah right that's a deep rejection you know I mean if you dad disqualifies you that's that's that's that's serious so he had to overcome that yeah and he had to speak he had to speak life on himself yeah right so a lot of the songs he wrote you know he wrote half the book of songs yeah a lot of those things he wrote were about lifting up his heart lifting up his spirit uh your phone rang right in the middle of a podcast man come on come on I don't know I have it I don't know what happened that's it that's oh well it's probably an ESPN alert you know so but the fact is is that this guy this guy what he did the Bible says in Psalms it says he stirred up his spirit and I think when you feel disqualified there is a I have to go to God that's it and I've got to let the power and annoying to the Holy Spirit yeah stir up my heart to tell me what he told me that's right when I was born which is you were made for today that's right yeah we've talked about it before that God has never regretted having you born that's good and you were born for the day so you're qualified you're qualified to help others yeah number one that's right because the quality of helping others is serving that's right yeah now leadership comes out of serving because you're only qualified to lead to the degree you're willing to that's right to serve exactly so serving others is what begins to qualify you so if you have a sense of disqualification let the Holy Spirit stirred up in you that's right yeah let let God begin to I mean he went back to God repent yeah for moving out of this role if you will yeah you know forgive others forgiveness if you were abused forgive those who have hurt you yeah that's what sets you free forgiveness open your heart it does sets you free so forgive others who have hurt you right yeah and then ask God God father give me your will for my life put me in that place and we talk about it a lot you'll find that place in the process of helping others find theirs that's it right that's good I've got a young man's friend of mine's name's John and John was not quite sure of his few you know what he wanted to do with his life he was a young he's sharp guy and I said well what do you what you know what do you think and he said man I really love construction it's okay so he went did that for a year okay construction and he came back after a year we met I said what do you think he goes I don't know man I don't know if that's it I don't feel totally fulfilled okay I like it no fulfill well maybe you like the process of construction he goes yeah that's it so we went to work at lows and he started selling lumber and okay helping guys get stuff built and I don't know seven or eight months later he comes back goes man that's not it so what is it that you really enjoy like as a hobby or something you know what my dad and I we go to these conferences where they talk about investing you know and he said and I've done this with some of the money that I've made you know construction and stuff investing so well it sounds like banking he goes yeah so he had met a guy in the process of construction okay okay and that guy said he goes to him he says I we've got a job opening boom gets a job he's now been in banking I think 10 years now loves it wow is fulfilled in it is thriving in it has become up what they call a personal banker for high network people uh-huh helps people to their dreams very successful what he's doing look at that but it was kind of like uh when you're out shooting at a target and you're trying to figure out how to hit it yeah perfectly right you kind of uh bracket sure you shoot you're a little bit left you're a little alright okay shoot again adjustments yeah it's bracketing yeah so you bracket in you find a target so my thing is always go do something yeah yeah I don't know what to do yeah I'm just qualified we'll go do something try something man give me a final word on overcoming disqualification I think for my personal experience you know uh I've had to really pay attention to what is it that God says about me because in in in my journey you know there's been a lot of negative things there's been a lot of negative experiences and for me to turn that around those tapes that are so deeply embedded in my consciousness I've had to go to God's word and I've had to say what does God say about me what does God say about me and it's been a journey of years of basically rehearsing and of renewing my mind and you know being exposed to God's opinion of me because I think that's it somebody knows me better than I know myself and that's God and when the moment comes when I might start start doubting myself I go to God and I say okay this is what God says about me so I have to own up to that I have to receive that and then I have to start walking that out yeah so here's the word and and if you'll write to me Paul at cmn.min I'll send you a download it's called the affirmations of a Jesus follower and I'll send you a free download that's good and it's two pages of scriptures Ephesians 2 I am alive with Christ Romans 8 I am free from the love sin and death first Corinthians 2 I have the mind of Christ there you go Philippians 4 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me there you go there Romans 8 the same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead lives in me as a follower of Jesus Christ you are a new man so you are not disqualified the enemy puts negativity on you but God puts his positivity in your heart so you're qualified from the inside out not just from the outside so you work on your character yeah work on the qualifications of your heart you may work on your talent to be a better mechanic to be a better plumber whatever it is God's called you to do whatever you feel your vocation is yeah but there's also that deep thing of I'm going to qualify I'm going to be qualified not by me yeah but by what David did he repented called on the Lord yeah and the God gave him the qualifications in his heart so I'll send you this download it's called the affirmations that Jesus follow right to me that's good that's good uh cmn dot men christian men's network cmn dot men Paul at cmn dot men or you can write to the office at cmn dot men and Bruce or one of the guys who get this to you and it's the affirmations of a Jesus follower thank you for being with us today on brave men in season four which is so we've been calling it go uh 15 go go 15 oh 15 go 15 go 15 go because they're all 15 minutes we're just going to download and uh what a great session on overcoming this the feelings of being this qualified yeah and with john erana thanks for being with me today on brave men dot bless you guys you just experienced brave man with Paul Lewis Cole Paul is president of the christian men's network connect with Paul at cmn dot men or write to him at paul at cmn dot men