Returning Home: Forgiveness, Brotherhood, and the Prodigal Journey

00:04 - Speaker 1 Hi, this is Paul Lewis Cole. You're listening to the Brave Men Podcast. Thanks for being with me. As always, I'm fired up. Today. You know, it's great to be alive. Somebody said the other day, came up to me, shook my head, said hey, it's good to see you. I said it's good to be seen. It's better to be seen than viewed. So true that right than viewed. So true that right. 00:31 We've been going through Absolute Answers on the Monday Night Men YouTube broadcast and it's on Facebook other places, and it's been remarkable. It talks and it's Luke 15 is what we've been dealing with. Absolute Answers to Prodigal Problems, talking about the prodigal and the prodigal lost everything. When you really study this story out, the prodigal lost everything because he invested in shallow relationships. He must have thought, yeah, this is going to be great. It's going to be great and it all looked good for a while. It's kind of like when we say, hey, I've got this, until we don't. And no one tried to help him, no one tried to stop him, no one cared enough to talk to the prodigal or be there when it all crashed. It said after his time we don't know what that was, we don't know if it's weeks or months after a time, and one of the translations says riotous living and uh, you know, I think it's uh, living without constraints, living without uh just going all in on a hedonistic lifestyle. So, whatever that means, that's what it was. And when he lost it, when he lost the money, when the money was gone, the people were gone, and nothing hurts more than investing in the wrong person. That's why following Christ is the bedrock of a good life, because we've invested in truth, peace, love, grace, courage, also the discernment of spirits and the wisdom to use our life properly. 02:10 You know what I really appreciate about Pastor Jovan Ruff, who's with me in a great conversation today. This will energize you If you want to be energized, if you're on your way to work and you're listening to this and you're listening to and from. I'll get out of the way in a second, but because Javon Ruff will share some things that and I love this conversation, because every time he and I talk, I get off the phone or get done talking. If we're on a Zoom call or if we're, you know, standing in the back of a church, I get off the call and I'm like or get off the phone or get done talking if we're on a Zoom call or if we're, you know, standing in the back of a church, I get off the call and I'm like, or get off my time together and go, man, I feel better, I feel stronger, I feel affirmed, and that's what Javon Ruff has the amazing gift to do in our lives. He's got two children, sydney and Jacob, and congratulations to Jacob, who I think just won some kind of track meet or something, which is awesome, and so his wife, shauna. 03:16 Amazing people, great pastors and leaders. They're the campus pastors of Free Chapel Spartanburg. He's been working with Free Chapel Pastor Jensen Franklin for over 20 years, particularly emphasizing the ministry to men. He's been a man—when we talk about a prodigal, when we talk about reaching the prodigal, being there for a prodigal, being the one who actually invests and says hey, you know, I care enough to talk to you. This is Javon Ruff. This is what Javon does for others every day of his life, and he speaks on compassion a lot. He speaks on miracles, spiritual warfare. He speaks on you know, he deals with the whole person in his ministry, but he's particularly highly effective in speaking to men about their life. So this is a great conversation. Hey, for all the tools that you need for discipling your family to use in a local church. 04:23 Go to Christian Men's Network, cmnmen. You'll find absolute answers there, which is, as I mentioned, we've been dealing with absolute answers to prodigal problems, and it's that Luke 15 story of the prodigal. Of course there's three stories in that chapter. You've got the lost sheep, the lost coin and the lost son. And then at the end of each of those three little stories it says there was joy when the lost sheep was found, there was joy when the lost coin was found. And then it says and when the lost son came home, there was a party and man, I think that's the heartbeat of what you and I must have when we minister to other people, just that sense of you know what I'm filled with hope. Man, you're going to be able to do this thing, you're going to get past this and that's what Javon Ruff does for people, and I appreciate Pastor Javon being here. He's a speaker quite often at Lions Roar and other conferences we do around the country for Christian Men's Network. And so stay up with what we're doing. 05:34 Go to cmnmen, drop down the events folder a little click thing and see what's going on around the world Over 100 nations, over 1 million men every single month going through the group resources of the Christian Men's Network in over 50 languages. Pretty amazing to actually spend time with some of these men. I'll be in San Jose, costa Rica, in a couple weeks. We'll be in Lima, peru, with our team there, with men from all over Latin America, Doug Stringer, who's on our board. Dr Doug Stringer will be in Brazil doing some major conferences with Marcos Pol, and then we've got a team in Vietnam the month after that, pastor Sam Masteller and some other key men. Uganda's on the forefront, nigeria places and this is just stirring up the ministry to men, stirring it up, and if you'd like to go, let us know that you'd like to go on a missions trip. 06:32 Do something worthwhile, invest your life in something that actually has lasting value. Hey, I look forward to this time, together with you and me and Pastor Javon Ruff. Here is Javon Ruff Talking with my great friend Javon Ruff, pastor in Spartanburg, south Carolina, free Chapel, father of two. Two extraordinary young people actually, we could brag on that for a while. Two extraordinary young people actually we could brag on that for a while. And your wife Shanna is an amazing speaker. She spoke at a conference that we were at, and so, devon, it's good to have you here. We're going to talk about fatherhood. 07:16 - Speaker 3 Yes, sir. Thank you so much. Paul Glad to be here. It's always a pleasure and honor to talk with you and spend time with you, spend time with you and catch up, and I'm always honored and just really so grateful of our friendship and how that all came about. 07:32 - Speaker 1 Well, that whole thing of friendship, you know you think about this because you know we're both really busy. You're pastoring, you're also working with all of the Free Chapel campuses, yes, which is one of the largest churches in the United States, pastored by Pastor Jensen Franklin, a remarkable man of God, and so you're working with all of that. We first met, we met in Orange County, wasn't it? That's exactly where we met, in Orange County, yes, yeah, I think I was showing you some stuff about working out, was? 08:05 - Speaker 3 that in Orange County? 08:06 - Speaker 1 Yes, yeah, I think I was showing you some stuff about working out. 08:09 - Speaker 3 You were actually introducing me to a new coffee called a Cortada. If I want, if you want to be really exact and I was like what is in that glass that you're about to drink? I mean, I was like what is that? 08:20 - Speaker 1 Cortado, yeah, argentinian type coffee, but um, yeah. And then we met there. But yeah, you know you're a workout guy, so, and if people can't see you, uh, the fact is that you stay in shape. Let me just put it that way. So I was not, I was not schooling you in the arts of gymnasium. No, hey, you know the the thing is with with. You've got these children who are now older, I mean senior in high school, freshman college. How long have you and shan have been married? This? 08:55 - Speaker 3 year we'll be married for 24 years. Wow, 24 in august. And paul, we dated 10 years before we got married. 09:02 - Speaker 1 We were high school sweethearts high school sweethearts, dated 10 years and you finally got up the nerve to say or was it? 09:11 - Speaker 3 what it was me well. Well, you think those 10 years I, I think I was a eighth grade going into ninth grade, shannon's a year older than I am. So you, I don't know if we can really count those 10 years. We were kids, you know so, but isn't that special man. 09:26 - Speaker 1 That's pretty amazing. So when we talk about and I wanted to talk about fatherhood in this, our session today on Brave Men Thanks for being with us on Brave Men podcast and thank you for being a friend you speak at Lions Roar for the Christian Men's Network, which is our yearly leadership conference here in the United States and which is our yearly leadership conference here in the United States, and you've been somebody who's been a great friend in speaking into my life and the lives of many of our men across the nations. But you've got a heart for this man. You've been in ministry to men since we met and this has been 20 years now or something. Why is this? First of all, let's hit this Javon. Why is this important to you? And then I want to speak into the whole fatherhood piece. 10:12 - Speaker 3 Yes, Paul, when I came to faith, to know Christ, you know for real I'm not talking about just religiously attended church, as you were sometimes taught to do, but when I came to know Christ, come out of a life of addiction to several drugs alcohol, drugs, just crazy background and when God delivered me and set me free, I knew I was saved. I knew I was born again. I knew the chains of addiction were broken off of my life, knew I was born again. I knew the chains of addiction were broken off of my life. But I also knew that the crowd that I was with was a huge factor to the former lifestyle that I'd lived and, when I came to faith, the reason why this is such a passion and burden. The first group that I got connected with was a group of men. When I got saved, I knew I had new life with Christ, but I needed new friends, I needed new accountability, I needed someone that I could look to, that I could begin to remodel, restructure my life around, because the former group had led me a different way and it was men, Paul, that came alongside of me. It was a small group and we called it the Joshua Men small group and that group of men. It was called Joshua Men, those men which were different in age, different in race, different in culture, but they provided what I would say in the building stages of any type of structure scaffolding for my life. You know, in Christian terms, they became my disciples, they helped me, they were the ones, Christ, if we were to refer to this week, when Christ called Lazarus out of the tomb, you know, he said I'm the resurrection of life. But he turned to the disciples and he said now you untie him. I raised you, I brought him to life, I gave him new life. But he turned to the disciples and said now you untie him. I raised you, I brought him to life, I gave him new life. But he turned to the disciples and said now you untie him. 12:09 It was those guys who came into my life and began to help me take off the gray clothes of a former life by renewing my mind, setting new examples and models before me. And from that day forth and I'll say this 24 years later, 24 years later, many of us has gone to various ways, but I still stay in touch with that core, first core group of those guys. Matter of fact, there's a guy named Oscar Jones, who lives in Tampa Florida right now. There's not one week, Paul, that I don't get a text from him. There was another guy that, when I came in as a single man who, when I got married the first year, Shannon, that I don't get a text from him. There was another guy that, when I came in as a single man who, when I got married the first year Shannon and I got married it was a rough time. Once again. I didn't know. I didn't have an example of what a father or a husband should look like. I had learned from what culture had taught me and TV and all these things, and even what I thought religion taught. 13:04 But it was one of those men by the name of Chris Atkins, who came into my life, who discipled me as a young husband, who literally not just discipled, he saved my marriage. My wife was ready to go, she had called her mom. She said I'm done. The bags were packed. But it was Chris, another man of God who had been married longer than I had been living, who stepped into my life and he stepped in. And I love this Paul, because he wasn't a man that told me what I wanted to hear. He told me what I needed to know, and he was the epitome of when the scripture says faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of a faithful are the wounds of a friend but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. And what I love about him? He hurt me, he cut me. He did. But I knew it was a place from love. I knew it wasn't just a cut, it was surgery. 14:00 But his goal was to ensure that I had an understanding. He knew my background, he knew what I came from. But what Chris did is what the scripture said rebuke them sharply who are in error. I was in error, I was ignorant. I loved God. I was saved, but guess what? I didn't know how to be a husband. But it was a man that stepped in, and I remember he said this to me, paul. These are the words he stepped in and I remember he said this to me, paul. These are the words he said I was complaining about. 14:28 - Speaker 1 Shanna, she needs to, she needs to, she needs to, she needs to. 14:30 - Speaker 3 I'm the oh, yeah, I'm the man of the house, the Bible oh, I threw a little Bible in there. The Bible said the Bible, I'm the head. And he was like really, really. And I said absolutely, and and all the while, I think he's gassing me up, I think he's on my side. He was nodding his head and everything, and I got done and I'm like, yeah, now he's going to tell me how to put her in her place. He looked at me and he said Javon, for the last few minutes, all I've heard you say or talk about is what Shanna has done, and I know this means a lot to you, paul. 15:01 When I say this, he goes not one time have you taken responsibility? Because we know that mature men are men that know how to take responsibility. Right, you have not taken any responsibility for your actions. And he said I dare to believe that you have done all things right. He said so, this is what I need to need to do. Let's start here. Shut your mouth Quoting scripture and get your flesh under control. 15:27 Let's start here. He said the very thing that God gave to bless your marriage. You're using it to curse it. Wow. He said the letter kills, but the spirit gives life. You're saying the right thing, the wrong way, and I tell you, paul, my ego, my flesh, my pride rose up. Everything in me wanted to fight against him and just go. 15:51 But I had a choice. Was I going to listen to a man who had been married longer than I've been living? I loved Shanna. I really did. I did. I just didn't know how to love her in the way a husband should. But it took a man and to this day, once again, he is still Matter of fact. He lives in California. Every time that I'm at the campus in California, him and his precious wife are there on the second row, and I feel some sort of debt to him to know that every time I see him, I say God, thank you for a godly man, a godly husband that stepped into my life. So from that, men have been a total part of my Christian formation, my parenting, my fathering, ministering. I have a pastor. I have men in my life like yourself. When I look at it, all, where I am today is the sum total of the various men that God has graced my life with. And now I'm in a place that my heart is. Freely you have received. Freely you give. 16:56 - Speaker 1 Yeah, wow, that is amazing. So you grew up. Where did you grow up? It was on the East Coast. 17:04 - Speaker 3 Yes, small town, toccoa Georgia, northeast Georgia. Little small town. It was once the home of some may know a man by the name of Paul Anderson. He was known as the strongest man in the world for a time, but he was there in little Toccoa Georgia. Another historical they had a huge dam break one time that flooded the city and there's not a whole lot. There's maybe about six, six red lights, maybe still. I mean, I mean there's not a whole lot there. 17:33 - Speaker 1 Yeah, but and so and so you just basically had to learn from the people around you, absolutely, and it didn't, and it didn't teach you the right thing. It's sort of like the prodigal son when he takes off, it says he goes to a far country and he loses everything and right is living. I've often wondered about that, javon. I've often thought I wonder who took advantage of him? 17:58 yeah, you know who took advantage of him because the moment that he lost his money, they're gone, yes, and the moment that he lost his money, they're gone, yes. And the next thing he did is he went and found a job and I thought, if a man has no character, he's not going to go find a job. So something from his dad was in him, yes, and when he came back, it's something we're covering in Absolute Ans, absolute answers, which is the book my father wrote about his own life, and we're doing it on monday night, men and uh, on youtube and facebook on monday I'm in christian's network, but but I'm I started. 18:37 So I started reading that story again, over and over and over and I'm looking at it, thinking you. You know, it doesn't say it was always preached to me, devon, that he demanded his money. It says he came and asked his dad. He asked yes, and then it says that, which is like a one-third inheritance, two-thirds go to the older brother. He had an older brother and then loses the money. I'm thinking people took advantage of him. His dad always looked for him. And I'm thinking people took advantage of him. His dad always looked for him. And I'm thinking why would, why would the? 19:16 dad expect him to come back because somewhere that dad had put in him some of his own character. He thought you know what he's messed up. But but I'm expecting this man to come back. And and what did he do when he lost everything? He found a job. I thought you know, if you have no character you don't go find a job. You try to grift the place. You know you're scuffling. And so he finds a job. It's a bad job. He goes, I'll go back. And then what did the older brother do? 19:44 The older brother gets mad and I'm thinking well, maybe that was the older brother's attitude all along, and the younger brother you know the prodigal just went dude, I am out, wow, wow. So now we look at this and we go okay, that's the spirit that chris and oscar had for you? Is that, no matter what the journey was, the next day after you guys talked like, here's Oscar talking to you about what it is to be a real man, and then you're like dude, I don't know. And then then a couple of days later, you go I don't know if this is working. And Oscar goes dude, I got faith in you, you're going to, you're going to do this thing right. 20:27 - Speaker 3 Yes, absolutely, absolutely. 20:29 - Speaker 1 So that's the spirit of a father, so a mentor. When we talk about fatherhood too often, what happens is we think biologically yes, yes, and we forget the spirit of it. 20:43 - Speaker 3 That's so good, absolutely right. 20:45 - Speaker 1 But those men came into your life with the spirit of a father and it changed everything. Yes, right, I mean, that's uh when you father. So what was your? Where was your dad? 21:00 - Speaker 3 My, my relationship with my dad was very broken and rocky and the um I have more negative memories than positive ones. My father was in and out of jail a lot. He was an alcoholic. He actually even sold drugs, sold drugs in and out of prison, jail. Sometimes some of the memories are on Sunday evenings going to the jail to see or talk to him through a phone or screen or whatever, and then when he was present he wasn't present, present in body, present not emotionally or mentally. There were constant letdowns and what I mean by that is broken promises I'll be there, I'll be there, I'll be there, never there. And so just very shattered relationship, very inconsistent. 22:02 I saw the fighting in the home, the picture that was painted, the model that was presented for a father, was very painted, it was very broken, it was very dysfunctional. And what's very interesting about that is when you said about that father had put his character in. I think we have to understand the impact that a father does have on his children, whether it's negative or positive. So what you said a seed was sown and we know biologically, even spiritually, the man has the seed. And then we ask us what kind of seeds are being sown into our children. Is it corruptible seed or good seed? And those were the seeds that were sown. 22:53 And the problem with that is if you are in dysfunction for so long and you see a model that presents it, and if there's nothing really contrary, you begin to think that that is the model. And I remember telling myself that I'll never be like my father. But in reality my life was going down the same path, but yet telling myself I wasn't like him. I became a womanizer, I became addicted to drugs, I started selling drugs, I started drinking alcohol, I started running the streets. 23:29 - Speaker 2 And all the while. 23:30 - Speaker 3 I'm saying I I'm not gonna be like him in my mind, but but like you said, when that father what stirred him to get a job, there was some character. So, like character can be sown, uh, dysfunction can be sown, yeah which ultimately creates a pattern negative or positive. 23:49 - Speaker 1 You imprint your children and and so that's a powerful, powerful story of what you had to come to was a place of forgiveness. Proverbs 4 says guard your heart, because out of your heart comes your life. You and I have taught it. I've heard you teach it that what's in your heart is what you become. It's the process of identity, because identity is the story you tell yourself about yourself. So what's in your heart is eventually what your hands will do. So this unforgiveness in your heart. You were imprinted with those things and you ended up becoming what you didn't forgive Exactly. So it's John 20, 21, 22, 22 and 23 where jesus said you know, those sins you forgive are remitted from you. Yes, right, they're, they're released and you had to go through that. Was that part of now. This is fascinating to me. Was that part of that moment of salvation when you got saved, or was it a process? 24:52 - Speaker 3 after that. I'm so glad you asked that question, that is, I'm so glad because it was a process and people need to hear that. Number one salvation happens instantaneously, but discipleship is often incrementally and it's over a process of time and we confuse the two. You become a disciple, you start being discipled, and what that means is, yes, I am saved, as saved is going to be, but my soul, my mind, needs renewing. There's some old mind patterns and thoughts and traumas and wounds that have to be healed. So the reason why I say that's important because, yes, people hear my story of deliverance from addictions, they hear the story from deliverance from substance abuse. But to me that was the beginning. But if you were to ask me, my greater deliverance wasn't from substance abuse, which I don't minimize that. My greatest deliverance was from unforgiveness. Wow, because it was after then that I began to journey on the path to pursue God. And I can tell you it was actually on a Father's Day, because you said, kind of help me with that. 26:14 I had been loving God, I was serving God, I was in a group, I was serving the church, I was in my men's group, still being mentored, still loving the Lord. 26:23 It was a Father's Day on a Sunday that I sat in a service and I saw my pastor walking through the different types of fathers and what they mean to their children. He had a guy with a basketball and his son had a basketball. A guy with a briefcase and his young son wanted to be an entrepreneur. All these different scenes of how father have an impact on their children. In that moment, as I sat in that service children in that moment, as I sat in that service, the biggest pain hit my stomach, the biggest lump came in my throat and some of the biggest tears began to flow down my face. At that point I realized that, although I had experienced some level of freedom, I still was bound, and I was bound with unforgiveness toward my father. And I didn't realize it till then, paul, that even when I heard God the Father this is why this is so important, because when I heard God the Father, there was a side of me that still struggled because of the definition of father that had been painted up until that point. 27:35 So when I heard God, the father will never leave you nor forsake you. But my father said he'd be there and what? There's this tension going on. Well, are you like my daddy? But that day, this is the impression. I'm not saying an audible voice. This is what set me free, and I know it was the power of the Holy Spirit. I heard these words I am not your daddy in my spirit. Wow, and I'll never forget this. I've held on to this. I've shared it many times. I remember writing down that day never charge the dysfunctions of man to the character of God. Wow Say that again. 28:20 Never charge the dysfunctions of man to the character of God. Wow, what? Instead of seeing here's what happened through my bitterness and unforgiveness, seeing here's what happened through my bitterness and unforgiveness. Unforgiveness became my filter. So I was trying to see God through my daddy rather than seeing my daddy through God, and so I attribute those dysfunctions on the him. So he knew that impression. That's what I love about God the father, because he meets us right where we are. He knows how we need to hear it and how we need to receive it. And so when I felt that impression I'm not your daddy I knew exactly what it was he was saying quit attributing the dysfunctions of him to me. I am not your daddy, see this is so powerful. 29:11 - Speaker 1 This is so powerful. What happened then that day Was this you'd been married for a while. At this point, yes. 29:18 - Speaker 3 Yes, I'd been married and I remember. I remember I broke in that service that day, wow, and I wept and cried from a place that I don't think I've ever cried from like that ever before. And I knew in that moment I had forgiven my father with my mouth, but not in my heart. I knew it, it was lip service. I knew it instantaneously and I began to say, I began to repent and ask God forgive me for not releasing forgiveness. I need you to help me to forgive my dad and release him and let him go. Wow, god could have never orchestrated this, paul, and this is a true story. After that service, everything in me said go find your daddy. I left that service. 30:12 I drove to my hometown Toccoa, georgia, from Gainesville, georgia, which was probably about another 45, 50 minutes Granted at that point. I don't even remember the last time I had talked to my dad. Even when I was talking to him, it was hard to pinpoint him. I just said I'm going to get in the car and I'm going to drive to my hometown to see if I can find my father. Paul, I drove to my hometown. As I came into my hometown, a gas station that was close to where my father's sister lived, my aunt. I looked to the left at a traffic light. My dad is at the gas station. Come on, I pulled into that gas station. Shannon was with me. I went up to him and he was shocked to see me, you know, and I was shocked because I never knew it could happen. And I said hey, what are you doing? And he said nothing much. And I said hey, do you have a minute? And he says sure, he said I said can we go up to aunt Jackie's house and talk? She didn't live far from me. He said yeah. So we went there and I remember sitting with my dad and I looked at it. 31:22 I said, dad, something happened to me today and these, I said I realized that I've been angry at you, I've been mad at you, I've been upset with you. And I said and I have been bitter towards you and holding unforgiveness towards you. And I said but today I had an encounter with God and I realized I've got to let it go and let you go. And I said I cannot do anything, we cannot do anything to change the past. And I said and I really don't know how the future will look. I said, but one thing I do know is that, no matter what, you'll always be my daddy. And I said but I forgive you, I love you. And I said and I don't know what this means and I'm not and I said these words, I'm not asking anything from you. And I said, honestly, I need this, probably more than you need this, and I said please forgive me for not forgiving you. 32:21 It was in that. I would love to tell everyone. It's not the Cinderella story. I'd love to tell you. Everything fell in place and we were happily ever. It wasn't the case. We still didn't have a great relationship and wasn't the case. We still didn't have a great relationship and things of that sort. We still didn't. It was not good, it was rocky or whatever, but that day I was set free. 32:42 Not only was I set free in my heart, but I'll tell you what else. My wife got a new husband, wow. Because, she said to me. She said I don't know what happened, but when you release that, it has unlocked something else in you, javon. As a man I've got a new husband. So I didn't even know. With holding forgiveness toward my father, it was even binding me and holding a part of me back from my own wife, who was now a victim of my dysfunction and unfit forgiveness that I had toward my father and she had nothing to do with it. 33:21 So me releasing forgiveness was not just releasing him and releasing me, it also released a part of my life that my wife was longing for. So released a part of my life that my wife was longing for, and that's the part that we must understand how important that, like you said, releasing forgiveness, what part of us are being locked up? That's not even directly associated with the hurt, but there's these tentacles that are keeping us bound in other areas of our life. Could it be that there's some man that's listening, that you're, you're once, that that that forgiveness, that bitterness, that release, that letting it go, it could, could be the next breakthrough for a relationship between you and your wife, you and your children or grandchildren. Maybe that great businessman inside of you is still locked up because of forgiveness of things that have happened to you. And that's what I realized the power of it. Like you said, whoever you release those sins, you remit and it's plural, it's sins, it says not sin which even God knew that this thing could have tentacles and binding other areas of your life. And so I tell you that was life-changing. But here's, here's what I do want to say and I don't want to keep going, but, but, but I know everyone likes the cinderella story, but here's what did happen. 34:44 Um, traditionally, our family had family reunions. I don't want to go into all that, but these, these big gatherings we would have Ours was a week long. It was crazy. I mean, we had a board. Listen, we actually had a board and a committee that planned these annual events, so it was crazy. Every time, though, we would have a Friday night where we would do like a gathering and someone would do a speech. I remember that year, they asked me to do the speech, and I said absolutely. What I didn't know was that they were going to ask my dad to be there and introduce me. Wow, no one told me, but that night he got up and he was addressing the family, cutting up. He said but the real reason I'm up here is, he said, I have the honor and the privilege to introduce the speaker tonight, and that's when I looked, because I knew I was speaking, and he happens to be my son, who I love come on man who I am proud of, yeah, and who I would consider my pastor. 35:58 Come on, so what I do want to tell you. Even after that moment, once once again, everything wasn't great. It was only a few months later I would get a phone call that I would have me and my sister would have to go to the hospital and identify my father's body. 36:19 - Speaker 1 Wow, he was dead. 36:22 - Speaker 3 Goodness man. But what I do want to say to this, the last words that I heard of my father, despite how broken it was, despite all the dysfunction, this is my father. And what was the words that God the father said? This is my son, who I'm well pleased, before he ever did anything. It was affirmation, without any action attributed to it, which goes back to the power of even now, paul, I would have wished that we could have went back and changed the whole path. 37:01 We couldn't do that, but can I tell you the words? Those few words still hold weight to me today, despite all the negative, because that's the power of words of a father spoken to their child. 37:19 - Speaker 1 When we talk about that the spirit of a father, a remarkable story. The same is true of a mentor, a coach, a teacher, the impact we can have on somebody's life I want to hit two things. And then I want to pray Because this has gone differently than what I taught, but it's gone exactly where the Lord wanted it to go for us and our friends that are listening right now to Brave Men podcast. 37:45 I was talking with a man last night and he had written in third grade. He said in third grade they asked you to write down what do you want to be when you grow up? Yeah, well, this person, I want to be a firefighter, I want to be an astronaut, whatever you know, all the different things. Right, and he wrote down. He said I want to be a famous musician and play in front of thousands, famous drummer. As a matter of fact, and because I had asked him, how did you end up playing all over the world, drumming all over the world, drumming all over the world and playing drums in Madison square garden with different bands and in this stuff, and maintaining his faith through all this, he said that third grade teacher picked up that paper, looked at it I want to be famous drummer and play in front of thousands of people and the third grade teacher said I think you're going to be able to do that. 38:47 I think that's you. I had, uh, the power of a, of a word, the power of a mentor, the power of a coach, the power, yes, of a man saying to another man I, I believe in you, I believe you can do that. Contrast that with a friend of mine named Gene. He's told this story, so I don't tell it out of school on him. And Gene had a tough upbringing. His mom was divorced, single mom, so forth, and so on. Lots of issues. Biological dad wasn't there, stepdad wasn't faithful, so forth, and so on. Lots of issues. Biological dad wasn't there, stepdad wasn't faithful, so forth. But he had a third grade teacher. He had a couple older brothers and had a third grade teacher they called Roll. As they called Roll, he came to Gene and said I'm Gene, gave his last name, and the teacher said oh, you're related to those two others, you're probably going to be just a screw up, just like them. 39:49 And that man lived under that for the next 20 years Thought yeah, I'm not worthy of anything. I'm not, I have no value. You know there's no, you know, I'm just that guy, I'm that one off to the side and he put himself down. As the Lord released that out of his heart and as he forgave, he became one of the top salesmen in his company in the entire state, because God gave him a new identity. And you think about this man I talked to last night, who is a well-known, well-respected drummer and has traveled the world and the power of a word, the power of Oscar, the power of Chris, speaking into your life. 40:40 This is why we do ministry to men, because it changes the future. It's the spirit of a father. It's a father and the spirit of a father because your dad, your dad, gave you that moment and God did that for you. Because I believe, because of your forgiveness, in John 20, chapter 20, verses 21 through 23,. Basically, jesus says, you know, he breathes on the disciples and he says if you forgive the sins of any, they're forgiven them. If you retain the sins of any, they're retained, and he wasn't talking about that person's going to continue to be a bad person. Sometimes, jovan, we forgive people that don't even know they did something to us. There's occasions where somebody does a business deal or something like that, and it all of a sudden your life is upended and that person doesn't know it and you've got. You've got bitterness towards them, you've got ill will towards them. 41:38 They don't even know it. It's the guy that cuts you off in the freeway and you get all mad, you have a bad day. He doesn't even know. He doesn't even know, so right and so uh. So that forgiveness, what what you're talking about is forgiveness opens, unforgiveness closes, forgiveness releases, unforgiveness retains and you become what you keep in your heart. Jesus said it this way in Matthew 10. He said the mouth speaks out of the abundance of the heart, and we know that words create our world. Right. 42:13 - Speaker 3 The world we live in created by the words. 42:20 - Speaker 1 You know, when you told Shanna you loved her and wanted to be married to her, and the words you, the early days of your marriage, using negative words, maybe even thinking you were using positive, but your spirit was negative. Yes, right, and you had to release these things change things. So I want to pray over some men right now who have issues with uh, business partners, ex-business partner, ex-wife. I remember one time I was ministering this Javon to a group of men and I had a man come up and say, hey, I need prayer. You know. I said, well, what you know? What do you want to? Who do you want to forgive? He said, well, I want to forgive this person, that person. And I said, well, have you been married before, rosie? I got an ex-wife. 43:05 I said, well, we need to forgive her too. And he goes oh no, you don't know what she put on facebook. Man, wow, that's like. No, no, it's not your emotion, it's faith, knowing if I'll speak, then the Holy Spirit will take this and regenerate in me. You know 2 Corinthians 5.17, when it says you're a new creation, it means a regeneration of the Holy Spirit. 43:40 I believe, Javon, as you minister into some of our lives right now. Some of us will be able to forgive an ex-business partner. Some of us will be able to forgive a coach that cut us when we were a sophomore in high school. You know. Some of us will be able to forgive somebody who's done something Wow. And I want to take it one step further, because I think this might be the most difficult one, because we think in images and, as men, we can easily capture past things and I think sometimes, Javon, one of the toughest things is to forgive ourselves so good. 44:16 You say, father, I receive forgiveness, and I forgive that old man Because that's not my identity, it's not who I am. So would you lead us into a prayer of forgiveness right now? This is one of the most powerful stories, man, that last word of your dad, one of the last things your father ever said to you, and he's my pastor. 44:42 - Speaker 3 Yeah. 44:43 - Speaker 1 He was basically saying I'm proud of him, love him for what he's my pastor. Yeah, he was basically saying I'm proud of him, love him for what he's done. I respect him as a man. But a lot of things said right in that little, those little phrases right there. What a remarkable thing to be able to remember, and how wonderful would it be for us to be able to do that for others and for us as as men, to mentor others and to help build in their lives a sense of nobility and worth and value. Like Oscar and Chris going dude, you can do this, and you know why, javon? Because you are the man God designed you to be. You're going to be that guy and so let's speak into that right now. Let's pray with some men, absolutely. 45:28 - Speaker 3 You know, my pastor said this, paul, one time. He said if you speak to the fool in a man, the fool will rise up, but if you speak to the king, the king will rise up. Come on, man, who are you speaking to? And today we know the Bible says, when it comes to men, we're the king's priest and prophet of our home. And so we're going to speak to the kings because that's what we want to rise up to. You know, to be the fathers and carry the spirit of the father. And so, lord, we come to you today and we ask you in Jesus' name. 46:04 Lord, proverbs said that we are snared by the words of our mouth. We become entrapped not only about what we say about us, but also about what others say about us or have spoken over us. Lord, but Lord, just like Jacob renamed his son, his wife called him Ben-O-Ni, the son of my sorrow. But Jacob, a man, a father, who knew what it was like living under the identity of what others said, he stepped in and said no, his name shall not be son of sorrow, but Benjamin, son of my right hand. And what the father said about the son is what stood. And so, father, we declare right now, in the mighty name of Jesus, our heavenly Father, what you have spoken to us through your word and by your son is who we are and what we are and what we can do. 47:05 And, father, right now, in the name of Jesus, we take authority and we cancel every word curse that has been spoken and declared over the lives of men today, where they have been told they can't or will never be, where they have been told they can't or will never be, where devalue or insecurity has been instilled, where they have been held hostage by previous failures or past mistakes. Father, we ask, holy Spirit, that you, even now, reveal to men they are not what they have done. Come on, that failure is a position. It what they have done. Come on, that failure is a position, it's not a person. 47:47 Come on and that a righteous man falls down but he can get back up again. We ask, lord, that you would extend the hands of grace right now to every man, and may their hearts be encouraged and receive the seed of this word, that faith arises in their heart, that they can get back up again. We ask you now, father, for the grace to release, forgiveness. There are those who have been betrayed. As we think about this week, if we're going to be Christ-like, we got to realize we'll face Judas' betrayals, we will face Peter denials and we will go through situations where people will try to crucify us. But even as Jesus said, father, into your hand I commit my spirit. We know that when we commit our spirit and commit them to you through forgiveness, there comes a resurrection. And so we declare that today the faith and the grace to release those who have betrayed us, release those who have gossiped, who have backed by, even those I pray for, businessmen who's had raw deals and bad deals with other business people, people you thought you could trust but ended up turning their back on you. Those, as Jesus said, those I give my life to have now turned their back on. If there's anyone that can relate to it. 49:13 Jesus can, but he gives us the power today to release and forgive. I declare in the name of Jesus, right now, man, if you're listening, wherever you're listening why don't you just say right now I release it. In the name of Jesus, by the grace of God and by the help of the Holy Spirit, I forgive and I release them. I release them to you, father. Help me right now to walk in the freedom of forgiveness. Forgive me, wash me, cleanse me, create in me a clean heart, renew in me a right spirit. Yeah, come on. I thank you for this in Jesus' name. And now, lord, not only help me to release it and to give it, but help me to now teach it and disciple it into other men. These things that have been committed to me, that I've learned, now help me to commit it to other faithful men that are able to teach. I praise you for the grace to do it and I thank you for the power to carry it out In Jesus' name, amen. 50:28 - Speaker 1 Amen. Wow, what an amazing time, brother. You know I was looking at different things. Hey, we'll talk about this, this and this man. I believe the Holy Spirit just led us into something that's going to touch so many friends and men. And as you're listening to Brave Men this podcast sponsored by Christian Men's Network you can go to cmnmen. Find the resources to disciple men. Cmnmen, find the resources you need to disciple your own family, but go ahead and share it with somebody. This is one to share, this is one that you go. This guy needs to hear this, and so, whatever that share button is, wherever that thing is I'm not up on all that but wherever that button is share this thing. 51:21 Share it with somebody Because somebody button is you know to share this thing. Share it with somebody because somebody there's some men you know who need to hear this and also subscribe. Hit the subscribe button which, on the algorithm, puts us in front of more people. Because there's, because there's are men around the world who need to hear this testimony from Pastor Javon Ruff. Pastor Javon, thank you, brother, for being with me. Campus pastor of in Spartanburg. Javon. Thank you, brother, for being with me. Campus pastor in Spartanburg, South Carolina, of the Free Chapel Church, based in Gainesville, georgia, with campuses across the United States. Pastor Jensen Franklin, who's an incredible leader in the body of Christ globally. But, javon, you and I are brothers, man, friends. This was a powerful time. 52:07 - Speaker 3 It's good to talk to you again. Yes, sir, we're busy people. 52:09 - Speaker 1 Absolutely Sometimes. And congratulations to a little shout out to Jacob right, a little shout out broke a record. Is that right? Yes, yes. 52:18 - Speaker 3 He broke two records. Yep, two records in track, yeah, yeah. So I'm excited about that. I mean excited about that, I mean I'm a happy father. I'm a happy dad to be able to celebrate that with him and enjoy with him, isn't this? 52:31 - Speaker 1 awesome. I mean starting like it's uh, it's a new branch on the family tree, or whatever you want to call it. But yeah think about how your daughter sydney and your son Jacob are going to parent because of what they're growing up in. Think about some of the trauma that they won't have. You know our children all go through bumps and bruises, yes, but they won't have that. But they know there's a dad who loves them, has hugged them since they were little. And think about what they'll be with their children in the future and we start a whole new path right. 53:06 - Speaker 3 Absolutely A new trajectory, and we have to remember that. That's the heart of God. He's the God of generations, the God of Abraham, isaac and Jacob, and that's our job. I want him to be the God of Jacob, the God of Sidney and the God of their children and their children's children. Come on, man, you know and that's our heart. And Paul, I would like to say this too, and I know your heart. But that's why CMN, that's why Brave Big Men podcast, but that's also why Lions Roar is so powerful and important. 53:42 All of our Lions Roar gatherings that happen annually, and there's one coming up in November this year. I want to encourage every single man that are listening. If you have not ever attended, if you haven't signed up for this one, I don't know when it will be aired, but if you haven't, you still have time to register and listen. What you heard today, what you heard, what you experienced, paul and I, this is the environment of men that we come in together, that you receive this type of encouragement and teaching grace my life specifically from line drawer, bishop Dale Bronner being one of them, who came into my life at line drawer, which I hear from him constantly. He's like another spiritual father in my life, and I can name other men and just thoughts today, you know that have left. You know from Ed, a business owner, when when the stuff hits the fan, it's not evenly distributed. 54:42 - Speaker 2 There's so many, yes, but I want to encourage men listen to me, a business owner when the stuff hits the fan, it's not evenly distributed. There's so many things that are still that's one of the great-. 54:45 - Speaker 3 Yes, but I want to encourage men. Listen to me. It's not just another hear my heart men's breakfast. It's not just another little cool thing for Instagram shots. I have never hear me when I say this never left lion's roar, not wanting desire and becoming a better father, a better husband, a better man and a better passion. A pastor. The bible says where there is no wood, the fire goes out. I promise you, if you come to lion's roar, you get wood put on your fire and you'll be an even better man. So if you have, I want to say that Paul won't say I'm telling you, I'm going to be there, I'm pumped, I'm fired up. 55:29 - Speaker 1 This year is going to be fantastic and you know I look at it as a like the locker room for the for a Superbowl, like we're going into battle this is this is the the locker room. This is where we actually deal with the real stuff. This is the locker room. This is where we actually deal with the real stuff. This is where iron sharpens iron. This is where you bump up against your brothers. This is where you kind of engage with your brothers. 55:53 This is where you connect with men like you have that you may not have ever met before, and now you become lifelong friends because we're part of a brotherhood. So that's what it's about. I love it. So that's coming up, yeah, lions Roar every year every first weekend of November here in the Dallas area. So, javon, thanks man. Love you brother. Thank you sir, love you sir. 56:13 - Speaker 3 Talk to you soon and see you soon. See you soon, amen. 56:17 - Speaker 2 Bye, amen. Brave Men is a production of Christian Men's Network, a global movement of men committed to passionately following Jesus on the ground in over 100 nations worldwide. You can receive the Brave Men motivational email, find books and resources for discipleship and parenting at cmn.men. That's cmn.men. Your host has been Paul Lewis Cole, president of Christian Men's Network, and if you haven't yet, please make sure you subscribe to the Brave Men podcast wherever you find podcasts or download it. Thanks for hanging with us today. We'll see you next time on Brave Men.