Crafting Legacy: The Art of Raising Boys into Men with Brian Molitor

And I go back to this whole thing about purpose. Well, we all want purpose. Well, yeah, good, but but we're out chasing some kind of really important purpose. And we're not hugging our kids and we're not children and and I've got to win the golf match and I got to catch the biggest fish and I got to do this. I got to do that. It's like, dude, go home. The only is I tell guys this all the time. People get a hold of me go, Brian, I got this. This calling is to do this and this and this and I go, I'll tell you what, the only sure calling. The only calling I can 100% guarantee that God has called you to because you're a husband and a father is to your family. Hey, this is Paul Lewis Cole and this is the Brave Men podcast fired up today. It's usual. Bryce and I were just talking about that who's a producer and I go, yeah, am I always fired up because yeah, it's kind of your thing. I go, well, I am fired up about what's happening. Brave Men podcast and today Brian Moleter. This guy is a stud man. I just we met. I saw his books and his materials and what had been doing with his his outreach Malachi global and training young men and all that. And I thought, man, I got to meet this guy and then find out he's a highly successful man with a consultant training company and this is going to be is actually going to enlarge your life. Levels some things up for you and me as Brian and I have this conversation today. I'm brave men. Now I got an email from Ferris Abraham who's in Egypt and on the ground there with what we're doing with Christmas network and with Levant, which is our ally there. In Egypt and I got some feedback from maximize manhood groups that are happening now across from Alexandria down to south of Cairo. Now using the new materials in Arabic. This is man says listen, this is great. This guy says I thought this book was like any other book. I started studying but then I found it to be different when I began reading a chapter. I wrote a passion about reading the whole book and I read the whole thing in one day. He said, here's another guy. He said studying maximize manhood open my eyes to things I thought, yeah, there's just problems like any other problem people face. I discovered that these are sins and we actually have to repent of them. So it was great. Here's another one is now think about think about how this changed everything for his wife and family. This man said before studying the book maximize manhood, I thought manhood meant providing money and living in my house like a strong man. My words are orders that everyone in the house follows. But I discovered that manhood involves understanding and dialogue at home and gentleness and caring. Think about how that changed everything. These are great, great stories and testimonies out of Egypt. We get testimonies like this in every day from Uganda, from Peru, from different places around the world, Christian men's networks, cmn.men, tools and resources to disciple men where you are but we're in over 40 languages. You can go on that site. Now we're building a new site that's going to make it a little easier to navigate but this thing is robust even now. You go on there and you can find the book never quit in Ukrainian. You can find strong men and tough times in Russian. I mean we're dealing with the real issues of where men live. And that's why I appreciate Brian Moleter and what he's doing with his generational thrust. The fact that he said, in fact, let me see, about 10 years ago, a little more than that. Now 20 years ago, I'm looking at the 2004, it was a 20, yeah 20 years ago he wrote Boyz Passage Man's Journey and then Girls Passage of Father's Duty after that. And that has started to him on a thrust and a pathway of helping thousands of men disciple their sons and daughters. And so those books are in French, Spanish, Portuguese, a number of different languages. But this man, he inspired me. In fact, he inspired me in some personal things motivated me with my grandchildren. And it's, if you will, it's an extension of things I was already doing a couple of days ago at Easter. I gave my new, when a grandchild turns 10 years old, I give them a Bible that I have spent months has got their name on it. But I've spent months writing stories in it of my life, my wife and I and our lives together of obstacles I faced. I've circled scriptures for them. I write prophetic words for them. I write stories in there all through that Bible over months of carrying it around and I gave Dylan her Bible Sunday. And that was, that was an amazing time, amazing thing to have that happened. The family was here. We got photos of it. It's on my social. But the key about that is, is what Brian has committed his organization in ministry to, which is how do you build legacy? How do you pass it on? How do you, how do you have a right of passage? What helps a young boy move into manhood? How do we do that? He's researched it, worked on it. He's done films and movies, talked at churches about it. As I mentioned, highly successful in his business life. But what God's put on his heart is helping us as men raise up the next generation. And that, that gets me fired up because that is the answer for the future in every culture of the world raising up see the role of a father is not just to raise up a good son, but to raise up another good father. So thank you, Brian, for what you're doing. Hey, this conversation and thanks for being a part of Brave Men. Make sure you subscribe, go into the little button wherever you're at, subscribe.algorithm helps us be in front of more men. And so for everybody at Christian men's network, thank you for being a part of this, being a part of Brave Men today. And here's my friend in a conversation about what it means to build legacy, pass it on with incredible insight. Here's my friend Brian Molotor. Talking with Brian Molotor, who's the founder and CEO of Molotor International. And when I began looking at your bio, it's, it's like what all different things do you not do? You help with young people in the intercity, you help with parents with mentoring children, you're a life coach, you've helped organizational leadership and structure and, but you also fish and hunt live in Michigan and all, all good guy things. Things that men do, but the thing that really caught my eye when we were introduced was this book, boys passage man's journey, which is helping young men walk into their masculinity in Christ, if you will, or their manhood as a man. And what got you interested in that? What was it, Brian, that pushed you toward, hey, and you've written other books, you know, books for companies and organizations, but then this thing began to happen. What pushed you towards that? Yeah, just the grace of God, which, you know, sounds cliche, but it's not. I was actually, this was in 1997, I was in South Africa, we're doing a project for a national leader over there, kind of an organizational development. But when I was there, I'm looking around at all these beautiful cultures, because we had folks from all around the world were part of this thing, and, and I began to study the cultures. And I began to realize that in many other cultures, historic and current, there was this thing called a right of passage that would help the young guys transition into into manhood. And I realized they wouldn't instantly become mature, but they would be known as men. I had a 30 hour trip back on a plane, and I never slept once, man, I just started writing down what, what's possible, what could be? And my oldest son was about to turn 13 at the time, and I literally put together an event, didn't even know what to call it. And I invited 30 guys to come in there, my buddy, so they're white, black, brown, green, young, old, rich, and poor. And I said, we're just going to gather, and we're going to pray for this guy, and bring him some kind of symbolic gift or some sort, write him a letter about manhood and show up on such and such a date. And I walked into the, we rented a hotel room there, you know, kind of a little mini conference room, and I expected, because the summertime in Michigan brother, we had like two days of sunshine, so you're out. I figured nobody's going to show up, but we'll have some good, we'll have a cake or something, I don't know. And I've opened the door, and here's 30 guys. Wow. And we had this amazing time, it felt like it was 15 minutes, but it was about two and a half hours. Wow. Took it serious, they read him letters, they brought these symbolic gifts. My one buddy, a pastor, an intercity pastor takes this silver nugget ring off his finger, gives it to my son. And then we prayed over him, and we prayed his identity, which is one of the big things that these days that young people are struggling with. Anyway, when we were done, a bunch of the guys said, okay, Molotor, you better write up an outline, because we want to do this for our, for our kids. And I sat down at the computer and I started working on outline and man, it was just like, you stay and write. Before I knew it, the book was done, and, and off it went and publisher showed up, and it was, it was clearly something that God had in his mind. Yeah, boys, passage man's journey, you've also done it for young ladies. And then you also written some other books about mentoring in general, and then, and then out of all that, does that were Malachi. Global came from that organization. Yeah, yeah, it is. Malachi Global Foundation is based on the Malachi 46. He will turn our fathers to the children, the hearts of the children, the fathers. So we did, we did the thing for my sons, then my, my daughter entered her teen years, and so we held a similar, but unique differences for her. And then, and then I go and speak at a church and, and guys would say, okay, you, I really laid out a, a strategic plan. I said, look, you have to have a plan. The plan has three parts, lifelong mentoring, intentional blessing with, with wordstouch and prayer, and a modern day, write a passage. Those are the three things you have to have. And so many guys got back to me and said, I want to be a great mentor. I have no idea. Yeah, what do I even start that? Yeah, yeah. And a lot of guys, it was like, well, we'll go bowling for a week. That's not exactly what we had in mind there. I wrote moments, life lessons for the next generation, which is 52 lessons, one hour a week between an adult and a young person, and each and a lot of stuff they're not getting anywhere right now. Yeah. So now these, it's, it's amazing, Brian, when we think about this, these skill sets that you were building in corporate America, organizationally. And you're helping coach executives, you're moving up yourself, you're moving into different things. And of course, a lot of that were things you learned out of your own upbringing. I'm gonna talk about that in a moment. But, you know, God used these things that you learned in order to be able to then now put that into practice with this biblical foundation to help thousands of men, you know, transition their, their children into maturity. And you mentioned something, I'm gonna get back this. You said, there'll be a man, but they won't necessarily be mature. What's the difference? Well, the push against my right of passage for a modern kid is well, you know, a 13, 14 or 16. Well, they're not really men. It's like, yeah, they are. What, what you're confusing is they're not automatically mature. And if we have to admit it, we go and either of we because we're all. Yeah. Here's the difference. Once the elders of a society or even just a family, accept a young person as a man or as a woman in those teen years. And the expectation changes. And I no longer will scold you like a little kid. I will sit with you and I will reason with you. And we'll talk. And we'll cast vision for your life, not me telling you what to do. And new freedoms will come. So, so that a momentous occasion is as much for the elders around that young person as it is for the young person. We have to think differently. This whole thing about teenagers, you know, teenagers, they're just, they're gonna act this way nonsense. We created teenagers in the West. And it's a mess. Yeah, we did. Yeah, we created, we created that whole gap piece, which means that that even the American Psychology Association, their whole stats right now are the maturity of a young man is not until he's 29 years old. The average age of a young man getting married now in the United States, where you and I live is 29. Here's an interesting stat that I saw Brian recently, 25% of the 30 year old young men in America are still living with their mom. Yeah, okay, that's one out of four. I know percentages. We don't think about one out of every four guys, 30 years old, still living with their mom. Now, go back to something you said this is really good. Three things that you need. Okay, there's three things that you need. You mentioned that. What are they again? I said, if you want to raise a member of the next generation correctly, you do need three things. You need, you need to have a plan. So you start with that. And then it's lifelong mentoring, intentional blessing with encouraging words, appropriate touch and prayer. And then it is a right of passage to seal the deal. A defining moment. Absolutely. It's every great team has within its season a defining moment that that moment where they go, okay, this is who we are. And now they're able to build on that, you know, we're recording this around a super wall season. And those teams, if they go back and look and, and of course, all the pundits do, they'll tell you this changed at this part of the season. Where the quarterback, all of a sudden clicked in or the tied in or the defense, all of a sudden found their voice, if you will. So for a young man, we're providing a defining moment for him to find his voice. Now somebody helped you find your voice. His name is Henry. Your grandfather, tell me about that because you dedicated this book to him. My grandpa was an amazing man. He was a, he was at World War One. He was a forward observer. And back days there were no walkie talkies or cool radio. So he had to crawl to the front of the enemy lines with a phone and wires attached and he would call in artillery strikes and so on. So he came home with many scars. He had shrapnel stuck in his leg and, and he was just the quietest, most humble guy. I mean, one heck of a warrior. And then we use that word loosely these days. No, no, if you're in a war, you're a warrior. And he took a, a shine to me and showed great kindness. And I craved being around him, my own dad, good guy, but all work and work and just pursuing that work thing. So I couldn't wait to get up to Cadillac, Michigan and hang out with grandpa and we'd go in this old rigging fishing boat and catch little fish. I remember one of my proudest moments. We went bird hunting and a shot of a, of a partridge in front of him. And that was the first bird I ever dropped. And there's my hero standing there watching. Boy, that was special. I, you know, I believe grandparents have an important role in a child's life. In fact, the statistics that are starting to come out because it's being studied now. The statistics that are coming out are that when a grandparent is, is deeply involved in their grandchildren's life. The wholeness of that grandchild is so much better. Suicide rates go down. You can go on and on and on and on. Chairman of our board, Bishop Dale Bronner and I had this conversation a number of years ago. I said, what was the best part about your father being 50 when you were born? He said the best part was he knew exactly how to raise me. I said, what was the downside of that? He said, well, my children didn't really know him. So Dale, Bishop Bronner made a deal with his children to help them through school, get them started in their business and so forth. If they would get married young and have children right away. So he's got, I think he's got 11 could be more. I can't remember. He's got 11 grandchildren now. He has a young grandfather. And it's a very powerful important thing that your grandfather did for you. Sometimes we discount that we say, oh, well, let them go on and let kids go be their kids. But I believe in hands-on grandparenting. I think it's extremely important. Talking with Brian Molotor, CEO and founder of Molotor International, which is a multinational coaching organization, helps structure. You wrote the power of agreement, which was a great book that came out in the late 90s, really kind of launched your writing side of things. You've written some books about teams and that. But I think this whole piece for us, for brave men, for us right now, this whole mentoring piece. I think sometimes we back off. Don't you think, Brian, don't you think we sort of back off and say, well, who am I to say anything? I don't really speak the language of a 14 year old. You know, I don't know what to say to a 17 year old young man. What is that? And how do we need to overcome that, Brian? Well, you need a plan. You need to understand that every young person is called of God to do something. They are gifted. They are talented. They have things that they want to achieve. They're likely to be struggling with things like identity and we've got this crazy identity stuff going on all over the world right now. I don't know who I am and I'm a golden retriever and I'm this and I'm that. And so there will always be by God's design. There will always be a need for elders to mentor and teach and bless the next generation. How much more powerful to have the patriarch, the grandfather in the area working through a son or daughter, of course, into the grandchildren. I spent three afternoons a week with my 10 year old grandson and I take him down to the gym and we shoot jump shots and then we go up and we run the track and we work out. And it is profoundly important. I think for that young guy, his dad is working and doing the corporate thing and great dad. But why not team up? Why not multiple generations preparing these the next ones for success? So again, I think there is confusion and like, oh, I don't know what to do. Yeah, let's come back to that whole identity piece. What is that? And how do we? How do you when you do a ride a passenger helping a young man with his identity? You're helping your 10 year old. What are you talking to him about? What is identity? Well, all right, let me, let me, here's how you prepare them. The way you air them is with the other, the other parts of the, the other parts of the plan. Life long mentoring says I'm going to teach this young person what's important in life. I'm going to teach them manners. I'm going to teach them some self defense. I'm going to teach them the importance of hard work. I'm going to teach them how to travel and various things. So now I'm taking some responsibility for training this young person to live in this crazy world that we're in. Then I want to affirm who that young person is. My daughter was a great example whenever she would walk by she couldn't get, she couldn't sneak by dad without me saying, Jenny, you are beautiful. You are gorgeous young lady. She would feel my appropriate touch on her shoulder. I would grab her face and I would kiss her forehead and whatever. I love doing those things, but it was very intentional because I knew that the world in which we live will take young women and rip them to shreds with air brushes and all this other stuff. And so through the the appropriate touch of a respected elder and I would pray for her and she would hear me say kind words as I'm teaching. Now we're headed toward this moment of passage. And so it is where the world stops the important people in that young person's life are focused on that person. And so the friends of the father of the grandfather gather around lay a hand on a shoulder and literally declare you are a young man of God. You are a young woman of God. You are called a man. You are called to do great things. You will not be confused about who you are. God has created you in this way. And then the event ends. But remember mentoring isn't mentoring. It's lifelong mentoring. Right. So now it begins to shift and you continue to bless with kind words and so on. And so that is that is the plan that any man can apply if he's willing. See now that's the thing. Anybody can do this. This is not like, hey, I've got to go to some sort of school. Not a bad idea to get Brian's book. Molotar M-O-L-I-T-O-R when you go on Amazon or wherever you get materials, Barnes and Noble so forth such. But but anybody can do this. Anybody can say a kind word. It's one of the most rare precious things you can give somebody that doesn't cost you anything. That's right. Yeah. Give them an affirmation. You know when Jesus said to pray when he taught us disciples it's called the Lord's Prayer but it's really the disciples prayer. He said to pray this way our father. He didn't say to pray. Oh great sovereign one. Oh great creator of the universe. He didn't say use Jehovah Rafa, Jehovah said canoe or one of the names of God. He said make it personal. Make it personal. He said father which is the if you will we think we don't think in words and hieroglyphics we think in images and he gave us an image of who God is in our lives. And the most powerful thing you can do in a man's life is create an image the second most powerful thing is tear that image down. And the culture is tried to tear down the image of what a father is. And we have if you if we're not careful we've also made it mysterious. Right. You know like yeah I don't know what to do. Well dude you know like first of all pick that baby up and protect it. Yeah that would be something. It's start. Yeah good start. Yeah you know speak a word of affirmation. Hey you can do this right teach them some things. Yeah so as they say in Canada it's not rocket surgery. It's true. I'll tell you a challenge that many guys have. Yeah and and I go back to this whole thing about purpose. Well we all want purpose. Well yeah good. But but we're out chasing some kind of really important purpose. And we're not hugging our kids and we're not children and well and I've got to win the golf match and I got to catch the biggest fish and I got to do this and I got it that it's like dude go home. The only is I tell guys this all the time people get hold me go Brian I got this this calling is to do this and this and this and I go I'll tell you what the only sure calling. The only calling I can 100% guarantee that God has called you to because you're a husband and a father is to your family. Well outside of that maybe hopefully there's time to do more than one thing but if you're chasing something halfway around the world and you're abandoning your wife and your kids do not tell me that God called you to that. Yeah wow in in a conversation with vice president Mike Pence recently we talked about his book which was go home for dinner and and it was something he learned as a young. I think it was a house representative something like that he's going after this career right going after going after it going after it. And somebody told him you know the most important thing you can do what is that what is that go home for dinner go home for dinner and it radically changed his life. Right I think we have a tendency not to take ourselves not to understand the power of what we can do in a person's life like here's a little thing. So dude I came to this and we're talking about husband because some guys are listening to go well and have children but if you're married you still have that same stewardship or trusteeship is a little sweet calls it. And one of the things I had to learn to do Brian was and I came on this because it was just a revelation one day. I felt really good we have a we've had dishwashers like automatic guys listening right now not everybody has those but we had a dishwasher in our house for many years so I would make it a big deal like it was a big deal. But I would load the dishwasher right I didn't know how to start it but I would load it and I really took like dude look at me what a great husband. And then one day this guy challenged me this funny because he goes you know I've been unloading the dishwasher and I go unloading. I mean unloading like I don't even know where half that stuff goes. So I did that seriously I did that and I did that and my wife comes home and I put stuff away and she goes whoa what did you do like she what did you do I go wow you know put some stuff away. A few things still left on the counter because I don't know where they go. Yeah she goes wow thank you it was like a thing. Yeah it was like a thing you know it was like I was a hero for a minute. You know it doesn't take much Brian for us to move and whether in you talk a lot you deal with organizations and business. And I think of that book Pat Lincione wrote you know on the advantage about love. Doesn't take much for a word of affirmation to shift a relationship and if you will the productivity of a person's art and life. It's huge the other thing for the guys listening that don't have their own kids or maybe the kids are gone or whatever. There are so many fatherless youth on the world that have no debt. And and we get the old we get the Gideon complex who am I you talking to me you talking to me. Good things me strong yeah you. Because you know case in point I had a buddy of mine bring a young guy at age 18 to his name is Brian Pruitt. Brian Pruitt became an all American football player at Central Michigan University number two Russia in the nation. And I have been his mentor since he was 18 he's now 50. Well and he's a young African American guy at least he was back then now he's got the gray beard like like he calls me pasta. Yeah but but the point is I'm not his dad. But he didn't have a dad. So initially it would just be come on out have dinner with the family not my food bill went way up so that was rough. But we had him here he interacted with my kids with my wife he became part of the family. And and so initially the mentoring remember that lifelong mentoring. Talk about how do you get through this class? How do you deal with a teammate that's giving you a hard time? How do you speak with your coach? Okay lately I've been talking with him about the the home repairs and things and now he's married he's got four kids of his own. And so there are mentoring relationships waiting to happen so anybody any guy that's listening. That doesn't have his own kids but can feel a stirring in here just ask God put somebody in my life that I can love on that I can mentor wanting nothing for myself. Simply wanting to teach them what I've learned and to give them the strength that comes from the blessing of an older man. Okay now there you go there's there's and the older man doesn't have to be that much older. In fact you know we're only talking about somebody that will come to you and say hey you know I've got a question about this. And what you're talking what you're describing is it's a conversation. It's a conversation that doesn't just stay on last week's baseball game. Right. It's a conversation that says how are you doing and then ask a second time. No seriously how are you doing? Yeah. You know and and when that opens up. You don't have to have all the answers. Did you always have all the answers every time you've mentored somebody you've always had all the answers. No in fact I work very hard not to have the answers but to have the right questions. Wow. And one of the first questions you want to ask somebody is where do you want to go what do you want to do. Right. It's not for me to tell you that in fact I'm working with a group of new hires that a small blue collar company up in northern Michigan. And my job is to teach them some life skills. The very first thing I do is I say take out a piece of paper and write down what a success mean to you. In other words want to go because what I want for you matters not. What do you want for yourself and it's so cool. Because some of these guys man are all pierced up and tatted up and they just come in looking all snarly. And pretty soon man they're saying man I just I just want to I want to buy a home. I want a piece of land. I want my kids to have it better than I have. I mean once you get them to say that now now then then I can teach into that moment. So if if a guy says that to a younger person where do you want to go what do you want to do once they tell you. Then then you begin to help them in that direction. Now you've now you've begun to reframe definition and refocus direction. Exactly. Exactly. But you don't have to go going in all you have to do is ask the right question. This the question. Okay so okay you have just actually helped a lot of us. Who feel like hey I don't I don't know how to mentor somebody because I don't have all the answers. Right. And really part of mentoring is I I love you and I love you enough to share with you some vulnerabilities of how I made a mistake in this particular thing. Or how I didn't do this right. Yeah. You know they overcome by the blood of the lamb and what the word. Okay okay two things out of this book so you've written a lot of books. So and we can find all that by going on. Molotar and Brian Molotar on Amazon see some of the other books that are on here but. But I've been walking through a boy's passage and man's journey. And there's two things I want to hit. One is the mess. I and their walk to destiny. And any other is you you deal a lot with woundedness. Yeah. Because I think that woundedness to me woundedness would be why I wouldn't feel qualified. To mentor right. So tell me about the mess I walking toward destiny and then I want to get into this. Overcoming a wounded heart. Yeah I did a lot of study around the different cultures past and present that have some sort of a right of passage. I think it's a very fascinating one. They started age four practicing not to show pain not to show fear. Age four think about that. Wow. And in the early teen years young guy he's he's getting ready. And he's taken to his father's hut and he's surrounded by the men. The women and the children are not part of this thing. And a gentleman comes from another village and the young man hopes that he's really good at what he does. Because he's coming to circumcise this young guy. Steady hand. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want shaky. You don't really deal. And if that young man can withstand literally seconds of pain. Without crying out. They call it kick the night. If he doesn't kick the knife. He's received as a man. He goes for two weeks and heals up at his mother's hut. And then he's brought cattle. He can marry. He is received as a member as a man in that tribe moving forward. Right. And think about that. You meant you said earlier defining moment. There's a defining moment. The ancient Romans had a thing where the young guy would have a special day with his father. He had comes behind him puts a special toga called toga verilis. Toga of life on him. Bam. The minute hits his shoulders. He is a man in that society. The Jews have the bar mitzvah. They have the bot mitzvah. I mean, there's so many societies that have something. And yet here from any of us, we got nothing. We'll throw you the keys at age 16. And like, there you are. You got her now. Yeah. Confusion. Confusion. Yeah. So which then creates confusion and definition. Which is why we're dealing with the immaturity of men. And the residue of the immaturity of men. Is is is cultural impairment. And we've got we've got millions and millions of of marriages that are breaking up. And what's fascinating to me is over 70% over 7 out of 10 divorces now are initiated by women. And for me, I look at it and say, well, because she grew up and he didn't. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, so the Messiah. Now, here's okay. So we don't have that. So now, I've been wounded. You, you described something in your book that happened to you that actually caused you issues for quite a number of years. Which is your dad looked over at you one time and talked, uh, talked about your body. Tell me about that. And then how do we overcome? Because every, basically what you said is every man's been wounded. Yeah. I think, I think we all have. I think that's, I think that's part of the deal. And, and I don't think it's something we should shy away from. I think it's something we should present. Sooner or later, you're going to get whacked upside the head emotionally, physically, spiritually. Somebody's going to lie to you. They're going to cheat on you. They're going to hurt you. They're going to assault you with something's going to happen. Now, so, so understand that's to come. But now this is how we deal with this. The thing that you talked about. We had a neighbor at all the kids used to hang out around my house. And, and I was the youngest kid. And you wouldn't know it today. But I was pretty thin. And I didn't have a lot of strength. And so we're doing the, you know, they somebody brought out the, the barbells and the dumbbells and whatever. Of course, the young guy wants to try it. You know, the older guys are all crank it up. And so I try it. And then they're all checking out their, their muscles while I'm checking mine out. And it just kind of looks like, you know, a twig going all the way down. Same. Yeah. Yeah. It's just the same. And I said, hey, dad. And oh, and every, the guys had the measuring tapes, you know. So, yeah. And so I said, hey, my forearms about the same size of my bicep. And my dad was on the back step. I can see it right now. Hmm. Thousand years ago, and he sips his coffee and he said, well, that's too bad. Your biceps is supposed to be bigger. And, and he went on with his coffee and his Saturday. And I remember walking around the backyard and just went, oh, man. I'm, I'm not right. I'm not normal. I'm not good. I'm deformed. I'm whatever. And yeah, that stayed with me for a long time. And I, I got into, man, again, I, I lumberjacked. I played some of my pro football. I was a pretty violent guy. And I think part of it was my nature. But I think some of it was just this feeling of inadequacy. One line. That line. One word. Yeah. Yeah. So now, where does that healing come from? You said you were a very violent man. Yeah. Early in life. Where's this tipping point come? I believe that was just God's grace. When I, when I came to the Lord, I mean, it was a pretty supernatural experience. Over you. 30. 30 years old. Yeah. Yeah. I was, I was 30. Yeah. What happened? Well, I guess I'd have to, let me go back about 10 years because, you know, I've got all this stuff going on in my head. And then my hero, Grandpa Henry, died. Yeah. And now my heart went clunk. You can't come in, right? I just put iron around it. And so, yeah, I'm playing some of my pro football. We're traveling around. And bars. We're, we're fighting. And, and breaking guys bones out on the field and just, yeah, this is great, you know. And, yeah. And then we, we moved on in life. And I was, remember, I was at school in Central Michigan University. I was finishing a master's degree. Thursday through Sunday, I'm the, I'm the bouncer at the biggest rock and roll bar in town. And then one night, I, I got sick. I got real sick like, you know, like a bad beer or something. Yeah. Throwing up and diarrhea, whatever. And that lasted for three days and three nights. Well, I got so sick. I thought I was going to die. Literally not a mystic thing. I, I figured, man, I'm dead. And it was so amazing. God just must have placed angels outside my place because I used to be party central and just everybody left me alone. Oh, never rang nothing. And, and it was just, I, I remember going to sleep that third night. And I would move just an inch and it felt like you were pouring iron in my belly. Just molten. It was just, I was so sick and in such pain. And, um, I said, and sometime during the night, it was like, I saw the first flat screen TV. Because that's, this has been 40 some years, right? And it was like my life just coming up in front of me. Living color didn't flash nice and slow. And I don't know if it took hours or a millisecond. I don't know, but it's only God can do. And, um, God did something I would have, I would have bet he couldn't do. He broke my heart. Hmm. He broke my heart. And, um, I wasn't crying for me. I was crying for. Guys, I had hurt. I was crying for young ladies that I hadn't treated properly. I was crying for all the damage I had done. Hmm. And I prayed this really profound prayer, one old English man. It was just like God. And I had this revelation like, whoa, God, you're very real. And I said, you can make it right. You can make it right. I just asked you to make it right. And I'm convinced I'm going to die. And I have this revelation like. Hell is real. And I have thrown away my whole life here at, you know, at age 30. And, uh, I'm done. But God make it right. And I started to cry. I hadn't cried. And since my grandpa died. Right. And I had broken ribs and all this stuff. And, and man, you couldn't, you couldn't touch me. I didn't care. But man, I started to cry. And, um, I believe. The tears and asking God to make it right with people I'd hurt was repentance. Concepts. I had no idea about. And, uh, man, I woke up the next morning. You know, I kind of opened one eye and looked around. He said, well, hell looks a lot like my little apartment. I knew it was bad. But not this bad. Not this bad. And, uh, that was this start. Uh, I ended up with a Bible and started reading the Bible. And there was this square girl. I didn't think much of over in Saginaw, Michigan. That told me the Bible is really cool. And. And I started reading it. I read about. Uh, you know, several of the books of the Bible. And I'm just getting matter and matter. Because, um, because sin. You know, the malachites got wiped out and the head tights got wiped out. Right. So I figured the Molotorites are next, you know. I made it through the night. I'm doing that. I called that girl up and I read her off. I said, man, this. You said this would make you feel good. I hated it. It's terrible. And she goes, well, where are you reading? You know, I go, you know, Leviticus. She goes. She goes, go to the right. Go to the right. Go to the right. Go to the right. There's a guy named John. Yeah. Yeah. So I. Uh, she said, you don't sound good. She goes, well, you can come to my house and you can be on my couch. And anyway, nurse me back to health and like, like the stray cats do. Uh, she took me in and I've been married to her for 40 years now. That is a fantastic story. And that's the back story that sometimes we don't get. But you know what's remarkable about that to me, Brian, is your prayer wasn't a perfect prayer, but it was a prayer from your heart. Yeah. And it reminds me of the man in Mark five. It was a demon possessed man and it said he was walking through the cemetery screaming and crying. Yeah. And God heard his prayer and sent Jesus across a lake left a bunch of people through a storm for a man who didn't know how to pray. Yeah. Beautiful. But that screaming and crying was his prayer. And it was. So it doesn't have to be a stained glass, perfect, wonderful prayer. And praying with your grandchild doesn't have to be a stained glass, perfect, you know, prayer, the homily thing. It's just, you know, and even really taking it a further place, Brian, is sometimes we feel like it because we're performance driven, right? We're performance driven. We want to and sometimes we don't pray with our children or with our family because we don't want to mess it up. You're right. We don't want to look like an idiot. You know, so there's a little that, a little performance, a little Adam, if I do how to do it, right? And so we don't, we back off. And really, sometimes it's as simple as, hey, I wanted to pray with you about that test you're taking tomorrow. Exactly. You know, God, help my baby, help her with this test and be with her. Sometimes it's, if your wife's going to work and you got a second, just grab her hand, say, I know you're dealing with that guy, that client. God, help my wife have favor and wisdom with this client. Amen. Dude, 10 second prayer and you're a hero. Yeah. Absolutely. But it's so, so we don't have to have all of these things that we think that we need to be in terms of performance. And that's why I appreciate your, your books is because they're written in actual real English. You know, that I actually can understand. And, and so appreciate that, Brian, appreciate what you do with, with the ministry and Malachi and all that. And God's blessed you in business. But we can all do this. There isn't any of us that can't do something, speak a kind word. And I think going back to this deal about, and let's talk about the, if you will, the orphan spirit and the millions of young men who don't have somebody. And a simple thing for me, you say, well, I'm a single guy. You know, I don't know where to go on all this that you're, you and Brian are talking about. Well, I will tell you this, go start coaching little league. Go start coaching a pop Warner or P w football or, you know, flag football, whatever the, and, and, and help that young man. Learn what it is to be a gentleman in the midst of a chaotic moment. You know, as he's tagged out at third base, because he was indecided about whether he should run or not. You know, help him with that moment, right? Yeah, absolutely. You can help out at schools. You can coach. I coached my 10 year olds fourth grade team this year. We never won a game. It was ugly. I had one kid I call him the crack kid because his mom sent him in purple crocs to play. And what game was this footballer? Oh, no, that basketball is basketball. And he's playing in crocs. Yeah, he's playing in crocs. So he could, he could stop running it at the half way line and he can make it all the way to the end of the key. So it was just sliding. But, but again, there was one kid on the team. So just to strengthen the point you just made here, which is exactly right. This kid, quite a little kid. I mean, he would cry once a practice in a 10 year old boy, no dad in the picture. And we played, I think we had like eight games the whole time. Never won a game. And in the last game, and this kid's mom would come every time and in the last game. The kid, I had showed him how to shoot. And he made a basket. It's probably the only basket that kid will ever make in his life in a game, right, with wraps and everything. But you should have seen his mom and him. Oh, my goodness. So, you know, just just being there. And the, I want guys to understand the power that God has given them. And the power of their prayer, right, is, it's amazing. And the power of their touch. And I have to use the term appropriate touch because they're rotten people that touch in and from. When you touch a young person, it's for that person, not you. But if you think about the time that little children wanted to come to Jesus and that just, I don't know. We got, we got a service. We got to get there and. Right. Said, hey, let him come. And when we read it in English, which is my language, Jesus laid his hands on them and he blessed them. Right. And then you go, okay. So you picture a photo op where maybe you picked them up and went, hey, bless you, little fella. Calls of the hair and sun run their way. Well, I always like to go to the original language. And there are two words there. And one is hopped to a mind, which means to touch to exert a modifying influence upon. In other words, Jesus, a man, anointed of the Holy Spirit, touched these kids and they were strengthened. And they changed. And the other word, the word he blessed them is not like what we say when we, you know, sneeze and we got stuff all over us. It's Eulogy, the same word that Eulogy. And so he Eulogized those kids. Well, in our society, we Eulogized Uncle Charlie, who's dead. Charlie doesn't need to hear it. But a seven year old, a 13 year old needs to be Eulogized in the minute, right? When it's happening and you write things like great job helping your sister through the crowd. You're a good looking kid. God has a great plan for you. That's Eulogizing. Exactly what happened. And that's a model that we can follow. And this is, this is strong stuff, Brian. I'm talking with Brian Molotor and it's M-O-L-I-T-O-R. So Brian with an eye. And so you can look that up on Barnes and Noble, Amazon, whatever kindle, whatever the reading things are. But, but the book we're talking about has to do with boys, passengers, a man's journey. But he's also got one, he's written for men, for women. Also, written one has a series of what, 52 studies that are part of mentoring. It's a mentoring journey. It's 52 life lessons. Right. They're like, they're like a page and a half of piece. And then there's a few questions. And the intent is you and your young person or a group of young people. Go through the lesson. There's a call from a famous person, not a script, you're just a famous person. You talk about the quote, you talk about the lesson. And then the lessons deal with things like hard work, being kind of people, using people's names, et cetera. And then there'll be four questions at the end of each one of those lessons. And then a scripture, then you look up, all right. And so over the course of a year, if an adult, and this could be a mom as well, it doesn't have to be a dad. Right. If they will sit down and spend one hour a week and then reinforce that lesson, your young person will be so much better prepared to be part of this world and to be successful. Fantastic. Hey, Brian, what's the name of that book again? Mentoring moments. Mentoring moments. Okay. Mentoring moments. And I'm looking at it right now online. So that is that's available, mentoring moments and Brian Molotor. This is, let me just finish with this because one of the things you said, we're talking about wounding again, every man's been wounded. And you made a statement in this book. You said there's no shortage of pain, but there's been a shortage in answers. Yeah. And I want to finish with that. And I want to speak to the man who's listening, he says, you know, yeah, I have betrayal. I grew up without a dad or my mom and dad left or maybe it was an accident. Maybe you grew up because of a car wreck or something. You didn't have that person in your life. And so now you're mad at God because God took your dad. God took your family, whatever the case may be. No shortage of woundedness, but there's sort of shortage of answers. Give me those answers. Give me the answer, Brian. And let's walk some men through this. Yeah. What you have to do is you have to understand that you, God has given you life. You are here for or a purpose or purposes. And everything that's happened up to this point has given you. It has made you who you are to this day. And you have to understand that men are called to overcome. We are called to push through. We are not called to sit down in the dirt. We're not called the wine and complain and so on. So we have our moments. We'll cry. Okay. We'll hurt. But after that, you got to get up and dust yourself off. Trust that God will get you through anything here. Find one or two people that you can trust to be around you. And get moving because the Lion King lie. There is no circle of life. It's a straight line. And so guys, you're here for such a time as this. If if you want to feel miserable, you sit around and think about all the bad that's happened to you. If you want to feel a whole lot better, you recognize that a lot of the people around you, especially young ones, are hurting maybe even worse than you are. And just a little bit of your time can transform their lives. It will give you a sense of purpose that maybe you've never had before. And we might limp, but we're not going to sit on and stop. You know, with the Christian men's network, our emphasis is on men building brotherhood, building friendships and relationships, having a compadre. You know, the average man doesn't have anybody he can call. He's out of town and his wife has a problem. He's got nobody he can call who really would just, you know, go over and help the garage door get fixed. You know, we have a tendency to say, well, I got a friend's I work out with. Well, but they don't know your story. I got friends I drink with, you know, but they're not going to show up. And that's why the local church, local community, that thing where we're connected in is so powerful. Because it's not just about showing up on Sunday. It's about who shows up at your place Tuesday afternoon when you need a hand. You know, it's I think the latest stat that I saw with Pew Research Brian is up. The average man has 1.7 friends. And my joke is everybody knows who the point seven guy is. You know, everybody knows a point seven guy. It is also the guy doesn't show up and you move. And but that's that's what if you will, moving into being a follower of Jesus Christ is not just about getting to heaven or fire insurance. It's finding your tribe. It's finding your band of brothers. It's finding those men who will pray with you. It's finding that guy you can call it midnight on Thursday going, bro, I don't know how I'm making my payroll tomorrow. I've got 20 people showing up. I'm giving them all checks. But I don't know how that's happening. Pray with me. You got to have that guy. You got to have somebody you can you can say, hey, would you pray with me over my child? My wife and I went to lunch with some some new friends recently. And all of a sudden we got drilled down into the conversation of some issues they were going through with one of their daughters. And they said, well, we hate to bother you. You're going, no, no, no, this is why why God ordained this moment. Yeah. This is why this happened. And right in the middle of that very busy restaurant. I just we just grabbed their hands, shooting. I did prayed with them. Got a report that two days later the daughter actually called them out of the blue. Say, hey, let's talk. It wasn't a great talk. But Brian, it was talk. Yeah. It was communication. Yeah. You know, it was it was moving in that direction. So, you know, that's why we have a band of brothers. That's why we gather in community. That's why you wrote the power of agreement. That place where you can have some friends. That's why that's why the 30 men showed up in the middle of of. I've got a really close friend who lives up in Montana and their boat season starts to lie forth. And they take the boat out of the water and on Labor Day. That's worse than you guys. But right in the middle of budding season, 30 men showed up to help you affirm your son. Yeah. Right? Yeah. So, that's what that's what where that's what we need to build. It's what we need to have. Always think about Elijah, you know, sitting in that tree, totally depressed, discouraged. And saying, God, I'm the last guy left. You might as well kill me. He's suicidal. Why? Because God goes, hey, no, I got 7,000 other people because 7,000 other men. And I'm always asking, well, why didn't he know one of those guys? Why wasn't he at that guy's house? Yeah. Because he got so busy in what he was doing. So busy in ministry. And yeah, there was there was a mission. Yeah, a mission. But he should have showed up at one of those guys' house. That's why Jesus kept showing up at Lazarus' house, you know, to decompress. In fact, he and Lazarus were such close friends that he didn't make Lazarus a disciple. Why? Because he needed some guy that wasn't at task. But when they hung out, he wasn't, didn't have to be on. You didn't have to teach him any of these guys is just hanging with Lazarus. You know, plus he had a sister who could cook another one who was dangerous. So it was a great place to be. I think that's a great, that's a great point. I like guys, but here's, here's what can happen. I know some of your listeners are going to be in high positions, right? Leaders in the industry, pass you whatever. You just got to be so careful. Don't let somebody push you up. So then you're kind of where you can fall or you're special and all this other stuff. Man, I, I refuse to allow it. And I'm in charge of a lot of stuff and whatever. Don't care. I like to hang out with my old football buddies, my fishing buddies, whatever. We still tell stupid jokes. We laugh at each other. We clown around. And yeah, we will break for each other when, when there's stuff going on. But, but you know, fight. If you, if God has blessed you with position or possessions or power or influence or whatever. Man, you better fight the, the loneliness that will come with that. The isolation that can come with that. And you hold on to that, at least a few people around you that will tell you if you're full of it. They'll just tell you, right? Fight for friendship. Absolutely. Gotta do it. Yeah, the pedestal can be as constrained a place as a cage. Absolutely. Yeah. Talking with Brian Molotor. And this has been a fascinating conversation. I look forward to more in the future. And the book is a boy's passage of man's journey. Now, you've written a dozen books. But that was the one that really, you know, grabbed me and that I read and went through. I thought, man, this is, this is great stuff, man. This is good stuff. And so thank you for taking the deliberate journey, time, effort, pain. I've actually put in stuff in writing and then actually getting it published because. Because you always want to keep changing it. Yeah, yeah. Right. Now it's in print. You have to live with it. So thanks for walking through that pain in your wife of 40. You guys have been married 40 years, bro. 40. Yeah, we're going on 41 now. That says a lot about her stress tolerance. And her prayer life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've given my wife a great ministry. And it's the ministry of forgiveness. That's what I've built into my wife's life. That's great. It's great ministry. Anyway, great spending time with you, Brian. Thanks for being on Brave Men, bro. Brave Men is a production of Christian Men's Network, a global movement of men committed to passionately following Jesus on the ground in over 100 nations worldwide. You can receive the Brave Men motivational email, find books and resources for discipleship and parenting at cmn.men. That's cmn.men. Your host has been Paul Lewis Cole, president of Christian Men's Network. And if you haven't yet, please make sure you subscribe to the Brave Men podcast wherever you're fine podcast or downloaded. Thanks for hanging with us today. We'll see you next time on Brave Men.