BraveMen S4E143: Overcoming Shame with Paul Louis Cole

It's Brave Man with Paul Lewis Colm, Wisdom and Courage for the Journey. Hey, have you ever sent a text or said something and you went, ah, why did I say that or send a text and you went, oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, you ever done something you regretted doing? Well, you know what that creates in us at a particular level. It begins to create a burden of shame, I want to deal with that today. This is the Brave Man podcast or if you're watching it, it's a Brave Man video podcast. So I just wanted to spend some time with you and me and talk about this and dealing with shame because it's something that hits every single one of us as men. And what Jesus did for Peter in John 21, he does for you and me. This story rocked my world when I first saw it. I was, in fact, my son Brandon, who's pastoring C34, worth it, asked me to do John 21, particular Sunday. So, okay, John 21, we all know the story of Peter and Jesus and Jesus feed my sheep and do you love me and all of that and I said, eh, I could do that. Well then when I got into the story, oh my Lord, this is much bigger than I ever saw before. I wanted to share it with you. It's such a big release. Let me walk into, and by the way, my other son, my other son, Bryce, is shooting today and it's awesome to have our whole family. Lindsay Niles, Bryce, Brandon Meredith, everybody in ministry in my wife, Judy. So let me share this with you. This part of the whole thing to rock my world was the difference between guilt and shame. When I talk about shame, it's uniquely different and if you will, it's more difficult to deal with. Just why this story is so important, guilt is knowing you made a mistake. Shame is believing you are the mistake. Let me go back. Guilt is knowing you made a mistake, okay, I made a mistake, wrong, my bad. But shame is believing you are the mistake. In other words, it's more difficult to deal with. You feel like, hey, I have to change me if I'm going to deal with shame. Jesus does something for Peter that's so remarkable that he deals with his regret. He deals with that thing. Oh, I wish that hadn't happened. One of my favorite regret moments, and if you will, one of what I think, when I think of the cosmic doofus, I think of Nick Flynn in 2008, and Nick Flynn is at the Fitzwillian Museum of history at the University of Cambridge. He's at the top of some stairs, and David, minor David, our editor, Park Salons, can put this up if you're not. If you're watching it on video, but the audio on the podcast, I'll just describe it. He's at the top of these stairs, and he pins down to Ty's shoelace. Now, at the bottom of these stairs are some vases. There's four vases. They're worth a half million dollars each. They're from, I wrote it down here. They're from the Kangxi period in China, from the 1200s. They're that old. Now, why they were unguarded. They're just sitting at the bottom next to this window. He pins down to Ty's shoelace. Here comes that moment you wish had never happened. Nick Flynn pins down to Ty's shoelace and ends up falling, tripping over himself. They asked them later, what were you thinking? He said, I thought, as I was falling, I could just kind of turn, catch the first vase, and then spend away from the other ones. It didn't work. On the video, David will put up a shot, but what you'll see is, and if you look it up, it's on the internet. You can see all these just crushed pieces of pottery, porcelain, extremely expensive stuff, and it's just shattered. It took them about four years, and they put it all back together. It looks pristine now. Now it's guarded. It's got rails in front of it. But now, each of those vases is worth about $25,000. In other words, it was broken, and when people tried to put it back together, it couldn't regain the same value. We're going to get into that in this moment. Go to John 21, and if you're listening right now, go to John 21, pull it up. If you're driving any car working out, I'll describe it for you. But John 21 is where Jesus and Peter come together. Peter's been fishing, and we'll walk through it. Now the end of chapter 20 is John's writing the gospel of John. He says this. He says, these things are written so that you would believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God. By believing in Him, you'll have life by the power of His name. In other words, John is saying, hey, I wrote this so you would meet the man that I met. He's writing for a Greek audience. He's writing for a Roman audience. This is near the end of his life. So now let's say 40 years, 45 years have gone by. He's writing for an audience that doesn't know anybody who met Jesus, didn't meet Jesus. So now he's an older man, and he's looking back. He says, I want you to meet this Jesus. That's why over 90% of the gospel of John is unique to John. It's not in the other gospels, Matthew, Mark, and Luke. It's unique to John. He's his remembrance. He's like, yeah, they wrote about that, but let me tell you about the man I met. So in John, we find things like his meeting with Nicodemus, John 3, 16, and talking about you must be born again, and he tells the story of redemption. And then he writes, John 21, oh, let me mention a couple of other things. The IMs. These are great. I won't go through the whole thing. John 6, John 8, John 10, I'm the door. I'm the light of the world. I'm the resurrection of the light. These are unique to the gospel of John. He writes, I am the true vine, John 15. He introduces us. I'd mention Nicodemus. For God so loved the world. He dearly prized the world. He gave up his only begotten son. You know the scripture. John 16, 33 in the message. Jesus speaking. I've told you all these things. So trusting me, you will be unshakable. Man, I love that verse, John 16, 33 in the message version. You would be unshakable, assured deeply at peace in this godless world. You will continue to experience difficulties, but take heart, I've conquered the world. Man, I love that. So now he's come to chapter 21. And at the start of chapter 21, as I go through it here, it says at the very top in most translations, it says, epilogue. In other words, John looks back, says, I've written all this so you would believe in Jesus so that you would know the man who changed my life. And he says, you know, there's one other story you need to hear. So let me tell you this story. And it starts this way. Jesus appeared to the disciples beside the sea of Galilee. There were several disciples, Harry describes who was there. And then Simon Peter, Peter's there. Now they've met Jesus twice. This is the third appearance of Christ. This is number three. You've got to remember this is going to be really key. It's fantastic. Peter says, I'm going fishing. Now what God does for you and me is use our natural gifting. That's why faithfulness is so key. A Christian men's network, we teach from 2nd Timothy 2 to 2, that where Paul said to Timothy, he said, the words I've entrusted to you, the words I've given to you, empower faithful men who will be able to teach others also for generations. And it says, take men of great talent. No, it doesn't. It says men of great faithfulness. We look for talented people what God's looking for is faithfulness. And right here what we see is Peter with his gifting. See, a man, there's so many talented people. He's a gifted guy, but he's messed up. Something's not quite right in his life. It's a lot of talent, but what God's looking for is character. So now we're going to see the restoration of Peter and the restoration of his character. But here's his natural gifting. He's a leader. He's just a natural leader. All the disciples hanging around going, man, it was great to see Jesus twice. What's going to happen now? I don't know, man. It's crazy. Peter goes, hey, I'm just going to go fishing. And that says all the other guys go, yeah, we'll go too. That's his natural gifting. There's a leader. He says, I'm going to go fishing here, but he says, I'll go too. So they go out in the boat. They fish all night. Now, here's, this is so good. At the morning, they fish all night. In the morning, Jesus is standing on the beach. And he says, hey, you haven't caught any fish, have you? That's one translation. That's the best translation because it's really a setup. Jesus says, hey, you guys haven't caught any fish, have you? You know, we haven't. He goes, well, cast your net on the other side. Now, think about this for a moment. Think about it. If you're fishing, you've been fishing all night. Where have you not cast your net? Nowhere. You've put your net everywhere. You've done everything. You've moved guys around in a boat to change the luck. You've done anything to help catch fish. And nothing's worked. And Jesus says, just put your net on the other side. Well, he said, actually, the right side, it's interesting, you know, because you've got, you've got forward and aft and starboard and port. And so he says, on the right side, what's the right side? Well, the right side, he's signifying this. There's all sorts of things you can read into this. But really, he's talking about who he is, the right side of the Father. Put your net on the side of promise, the right side. So that's a beautiful little picture, a little thing there that John sticks in there, just put your net on the right side. And then John says that, and he describes himself, the disciple, Jesus' love, verse 7, chapter 21, John, said to Peter, it's the Lord. When Peter heard that, he put on his jacket or his tunic, his outer covering, his script for work. He wasn't naked. What he had on was his undergarments, because he's sweating, he's working, and he took off his tunic. The tunic was the outer garment. And the reason he put it on is really cute. Here's why. Your outer garment, and that day and age, was descriptive of your position in culture. If you were a butcher, you were a certain type of clothing. If you're a baker, certain type of clothing, banker, certain kind of clothing. And so you would know people. That's why, remember when Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey? It says they not only waived palm branches, it says they threw their jackets, their outer coverings on the ground in front of Jesus why, their definition. What they were saying is my jacket, my definition. This is who I am within culture. This defines me. I'm throwing it on the ground in front of you. So what did Peter do? He put his definition back on him as a fisherman, because he wasn't sure who he was. He wasn't sure how he was going to be received by Jesus. He made sure, hey, at least I know, on this. So this is awesome. So he arrives on the shore, jumps out, and it says that the other guys jumped out also, and it says when they got there, they found breakfast waiting for them, fish, cooking over a charcoal fire with some bread. Now, this is really key. I'm going to bring us back to that. The charcoal fire, the number three, the numerology of this, that the number three is the number of harmony and new life, healing and wholeness. Number three, numerology in the Bible. Harmony, new life, healing and wholeness. This is a third appearance of Christ, right? Kiss is awesome. So he comes up on the shore, and Peter does, and there's Jesus. They've caught a bunch of fish. I'm going to come back to the charcoal fire in a moment. How many fish did they catch? How many fish did they catch? Okay, verse 10 says, Peter came aboard, dragged a net 153 fish. Now, on the video, I'm going to have David put up a mandorla, or it's also called the viscapices. Viscapices are bladder fish. And what that is is overlapping circles. Where the circles overlap, if you can visualize listening to the podcast, where the circles overlap, if you will, is sort of what becomes the fish symbol in Christology or in Christian circles. But where they overlap is the start of modern geometry. The area of that overlap is, this is way beyond my pay grades. Probably what my grandson or granddaughters taking in fifth grade and seventh grade right now, but has to do with geometry and the area of that overlap is defined by 153 over 256, which is the square root of three. And the reason that John put 153 fish in here is so that a Greek, remember, is written for the Greeks, so that a Greek or a Roman would look at. The Greeks' math was a hobby for them. When they were kids, they would give each other math problems, coming back from the bus stop. Well, maybe not a bus stop, but coming back from school. And they'd give each other these quizzes and tests, and they were in the math, and immediately, if you said 153, they knew shorthand, square root of three. Square root of three. So now they're looking for what? The threes. What are the threes in this story? This is just remarkable. So 153 over 256, and then I'll have David put it up. If you take that mandorla, and you extenuate the two ends of that overlap of the circles, you end up with the fish symbol, the igthus. Jesus Christ saved your own Lord, which is what the abbreviation of igthus means. And immediately, people wouldn't know in that culture back in the day. The Roman-Agric culture that when that fish symbol was there, it meant the presence of Christ. It meant the threes. What's another three? The Trinity, Father Son and Holy Spirit. There's so much here. It's absolutely remarkable. So John puts that in there so that we would look for the threes. All right? Now, let's come back to the charcoal. Now, Peter's arrived at the charcoal fire. He's in his identity as a fisherman. And Jesus says something to him. He says, do you love me? Do you trust me? Now, let me set the atmosphere, because this is key. I mean, if you're driving, don't close your eyes, but think about this for a moment. Think about a fragrance. Think about a smell. One of the biggest things I'm in a class on semiotics with Dr. Lunard Sweet. One of the things we were talking about the other day that he was lecturing on was the power of scent and fragrance and smell. We are the aroma of Christ. All of those times has talked about in the Word of God. And what that means semiotically or as a sign. Think about when you smell a fragrance. If you walk through a mall and you smell a fragrance and immediately reminded you of your grandmother. Or if you went somewhere at a restaurant and immediately thought of your grandmother's cooking or your grandfather who would barbecue. Or at a friend of mine, we were talking about this. And he said they were walking in the mall. And his daughter said, Dad, that store smells like you. And it was a sort of head fragrance in it. And he went over and he wondered, what is that? And it turns out it was a fragrance. He used to wear when his girl was about three or four years old. And she walks by now 12, 13 years old. And she goes, Dad, this smells like you. Remind her. So what Jesus has done. Here we go. This is amazing. It's a charcoal fire. There are only two places in the entire Bible where the Bible describes a charcoal fire. It's right here in John 21. And the other place is John 18. When Peter denies Christ. Remember I talked about, have you ever done anything you regret? You ever said anything you wish you hadn't said? What did Peter do? Peter denied Christ three times. When Christ is being beaten, Peter follows the mob, follows the Roman soldiers, follows them to the courtyard and watches Jesus being beaten. Somebody arrives, first one, a little young lady arrives at the charcoal fire where Peter in the coldness of the night is warming himself at a charcoal fire. At that fire, she says, aren't you one of those guys? Three times, three different people come to Peter and say, aren't you one of those guys? What's he standing at? A charcoal fire. Where is he right now? What did Jesus do? Jesus brought back to Peter the atmosphere of that moment where he had denied Christ. This is really significant. Because three times, how many times? Three times. This is what the third appearance of Christ, right? Trinity, harmony, look for the power of three, all these things, three times in an item. So Jesus says, do you love me? Let's read through it. He says, yes, Lord. You know, I love you and feed my lambs, Jesus says. Jesus repeated the questions, Simon, do you love me? Well, yes, Lord, you know, I love you. Peter says, then take care of my sheep, Jesus said. Now think about this. He's talking to Peter. A man is dealing with shame. A man is dealing with regret. A man is dealing with whether or not he's really qualified to do anything ever again for Jesus. Whether he's even qualified to be in his presence, whether he's disqualified himself, whether or he's dealing with all of the things the enemy hits you and me with, about you jacked up, you messed up, you screwed that up, and you'll never, you know, you'll do okay, but you'll never be at the level of that guy. You'll never again be here. You'll never arrive at your destiny, because you just messed up and Peter is feeling that, dealing with that. And Jesus comes back to him, do you love me? Well, yeah, you know, I love you. Well, then feed my sheep. Now think about this. He's telling Peter to do something that only a qualified person could do. And it's starting to happen for him. And then it says, a third time, Jesus said, Simon, son of John, do you love me? And in some translations, it says, Peter was hurt. And in another translation, it says, Peter was struck to his very heart. And in another translation, it says, that Peter began to cry and go, you know, I love you. What happened at that moment is all the sudden Peter realizes, yeah, he knows my stuff, because he says to him, Lord, you know everything. You know, I love you. In other words, he realizes at that moment, man, he knows that I bailed on him. He knows that I denied him. And yet he still loves me. How many times did he deny Christ three times? And now how many times did Jesus pose the question, do you love me three times? Why? Because Jesus wanted Peter to come back to his moment of pain, his moment of mistake, his moment of regret and have it resolved forever. The reason God brought the children of Israel back to Jordan was not to teach him a lesson. The reason you and I often come back to some of the same issues in our lives is not so God can look at us and go, ah, you messed up again. It's so that we can win the victory. This time you're going to win. And Jesus looks at Peter. He says, do you love me? He says, struck to his heart. The fragrance, the atmosphere, everything about it. He says, Lord, you know what happened, don't you? And then Jesus said to him, feed my sheep. In other words, Peter, you're qualified. And Peter, this man who became the start of the early church, this man who became the spokesperson for Jesus himself, this man anointed of God, this man who wrote the revelation of Jesus Christ at this moment, that was John, excuse me, who's writing this. But Peter, who becomes the one who speaks out, I'll get to that in a second. Everything's changed, everything's new. He's restored at this moment. And then Jesus says something very unique to him. He says this, Peter, I'll tell you the truth. When you were young, you were able to do as you like. You dressed yourself whenever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands. Others will dress you and take you where you don't want to go. Jesus said this, to let him know what kind of death would glorify God. Now, at this point, in the rest of it, you can read through. And at the very end, John says, Jesus did many other things. If they were all written, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written. Why did Jesus say to Peter, hey, you were young, you can do anything you want, and when you grow old, what is that? It was a prophetic word telling Peter, Peter, you're going to grow old. So Peter now, at the day of Pentecost, remember, they're hiding. Why are they in the upper room together? Because they're hiding. People are being thrown into jail. People are being beaten. People perhaps are being killed in parts of Israel at that time, because our followers of Christ, all this stuff is happening. They're praying together. And bam, the power and knowing things, the Holy Spirit happens, they're in Acts 2. And who steps out on the balcony to tell everybody what's going on? Peter, why? Because he's filled with the boldness of forgiveness and faith and that Jesus trusted him. He's in harmony. He's the right man at the right place. And he has a prophetic word. He's going to grow old. Isn't that awesome? I mean, this whole thing, John 21, it's just packed with pictures and stories and underlying semiotics that show us who Jesus is for you and me. There isn't anything we've ever done. Any place we've ever been, anything that's ever happened to us and we've ever done to somebody else that can't be covered by the blood of Christ and forgiveness. It's amazing to me to see what he did for Peter. We finished with one picture and you can see this more easily on the video. Kansugi is an art, a Japanese art, of taking broken pottery and putting things back together. It's a Japanese art. Remember Nick Flint, the very start, the guy that fell down and broke all the porcelain, they stuck it back together, but the value had decreased exponentially. Gone from a half million dollar basis to being worth 25,000 dollars. Kansugi is an amazing thing. An artist takes pottery and they'll take a beautiful piece of porcelain and David's going to put it up on the video and they'll actually break it on purpose and then using either gold or silver, usually gold, something of great value, they'll put all of the pieces back together. In the hands of the artist, and what David's showing right now is a porcelain vase, worth about $120 before it was broken. Now, having been broken and put back together by the artist, it sells for $18,000. But think about this. In the hands of the artist, what was shattered and broken has no longer lost value, but its gained value. And that's your life in the hands of the master artist. In the hands of Christ, our broken shattered life is no longer disqualified, but he's qualified us through his life, put us back together, and we have a lost value with gained value. What a story. Sutton Corinthians 517 says this. If anyone is in Christ, he's in new creation, old things have passed away, behold all things have become new. The Passion translation says it this way. If anyone is in folded into Christ, he has become an entirely new person. All that is related to the old order has vanished, behold everything. It's fresh and new. I'm going to pray for you right now that any shame that you've been living with, the enemy has been hammering you with, right now is broken off your life. If you're listening, I mean, obviously if you're driving or working out in the gym, wherever you may be, take a moment a little later on, pray with me, but if you can right now, pray with me, and let's pray over this. Father in the name of Jesus, we receive your forgiveness. The action that took place at the cross belongs to me, belongs to my friend. Your word says, when we confess our sins, you are faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. And then it says, we're a new creation. Fresh and new. My friend, I speak that over you right now in the name of Jesus. Fresh and new. Thank you for being with us on the Brave Men podcast, and if you're watching on video, if you need tools and materials for discipling men, you'll find us at cmm.men. Christmas Network, cmm.men. What an amazing teaching. I wanted to sit down and share that with you. It rocked my world, and I hope it's done the same for you. God bless you. Remember this. Hope is alive. Hope has the name. Hope's name is Jesus. You just experienced Brave Men with Paul Lewis Cole. Paul is president of the Christian men's network, connect with Paul at cmm.men, or write to him at Paul at cmm.men.