BraveMen S4E142: Neil Kennedy - The Fivestar Man

Today on Brave Men, you'll meet Neal Kennedy. Neal Kennedy is a man who has been leading other men, been a man who's helped mentor to cycle and counsel men for over four decades. He's a man of faith, and he believes that there's five areas in every single man's life that when we start clicking those things up, when we start working in these five areas, it takes everything and makes us successful. In fact, he wrote a book. He's written books, materials, has a podcast. He has a ministry. He's every single week. He's somewhere across the United States around the world speaking on the five-star man. What does that mean? What are the five passions? What's the entrepreneurial drive? How do you as a father bless your family? All of that today on Brave Men. Now Brave Men is a production of the Christian men's network sponsored by our friends and partners across the United States and around the world. And over 100 nations. Over 900,000 men a month go through the majoring and men materials. And you can find that at cmn.man. Christian men's network, cmn.man. Christian men's network.com. There's also a website, majoringandman.com, majoringin.com. I don't want to talk too fast and miss that. majoringinman.com, where you'll find a 12-part series to help your church learn how to disciple men. I mean, we cover everything. How to start it, how to get momentum, how to keep momentum, how to find the right leaders, who are the right guys to lead. And it goes right on down the list, everything you need. And we also have a launch kit, startup kit, all the tools to disciple men. And that's why I like Neil Kennedy. That's why I love his spirit and everything about him is because that's what he's about as a discipling men. Helping us become the man that God designed us to be, the man we desire to be, and the man our family needs us to be. Today on Brave Men, you'll meet Neil Kennedy. It's Brave Men with Paul Lewis Cole, wisdom and courage for the journey. That's why we have Neil Kennedy with Five Star Man and Neil. This minister you're doing with Five Star Man came out of. We talked a little bit before we came on, but it came out of some issues and dysfunction in your own life. This desire to see men raised up, didn't it? Did, did I, you know, I was raised without my father, my father walked out at five years of age. And, you know, I didn't understand what was going on. When you're at that age, you don't understand the dynamics of adultery. And so, you know, he left and because my mother was a serial adulteress. And, unfortunately, you know, it just happened with the absence of him. He would not be there to tell me about my heritage. He wouldn't be there to prophesy on my future. He just left his voice left and he was so hurt and embittered that not only did he more really divorce, you know, my mother, but he kind of divorced his children. And I tell him in all the time, you may have an ex-wife, but you don't have ex-children. Come on, man. And we have to, we have to stay engaged in our children. And of course, that's what we're seeing right now in our society is the absentee of fatherhood and the repercussions of that are just horrendous. Yeah, you've spoken to that very strongly. You've written 10 books, I think, is that all right? Yes, 10. And you've got the father's blessing. That was one of the ones that really I thought when you came out with that, it was the 52 blessings promises you speak over your family. And is that on Amazon or do we go to fivestarman.com to get that? Yeah, either way, Amazon or fivestarman.com. Yeah, and, and so you've picked this up really basically said, you know, I want to see men's lives change. Now, you password, you password, you went to a Bible college, and you come out of this dysfunctional background, you end up in Bible college. You said, you told me while you were raised as a heathen, where did that whole thing change? Well, I was actually working in a coal mine. And out of high school, I left my home was 17. My mother was having another affair. And so that lifestyle was just, you know, ridiculous. And so I left and I just wanted to make a life. I just wanted to do something. So I landed a really good job at a coal mine. And I worked at night, 7 p.m. to 7 a.m., 7 nights a week, pumping water out of the strip mine into a retention pond. And finally, one night at 3 a.m., I cried out to God. I had enough experience on my own to realize that this is not going to work. I need, I need, I need God. And so I, I literally cried out to God. I was alone in the mind working every night. So I was in isolation. It was, it was just an interesting period. And it's really interesting how God used that isolation period in my life to shape my whole life. It's given me the ability to stand alone. It's given me the ability to rely strictly on Him. So I cried out 3 a.m., God, for the first time I heard the voice of God. Someone say, well, did you hear the audible voice? I don't know if I heard the vibrations of his vocals, but I know I heard the voice in my heart. And he said to me, because I cried out, God, do you know me? Do you care? Wow. And he responded, I do know you. And I know you by your name. And I've given you the spirit of a son that you may call me Abba. Now, Paul, I didn't know scripture. And so, I didn't know that was scripture. I had never heard that. And so later when I'm actually reading the scripture later after I come to Christ and the confirmation of reading that in Romans and in Galatians, it was huge for me. And so I've always approached God in the relationship of Him as my father. I know that a lot of people struggle with that. I never have. I've always related to God as my father. And it just was a powerful moment. I, you know, shortly after that, I stumbled into a small church and, you know, long story short, I can say. Yeah, a little town in Oklahoma. I get saved. I get a spirit field. I get called in the ministry. And I end up in Springfield, Missouri to go to Bible college. And my own home. And thank you for all things. Yeah, I had no idea. I didn't know how you become a minister. I didn't know that you go to college. No one in my family had ever been in college. So I show up. My genes weren't even sanctified yet. I still had skull wounds in my back pockets. I mean, so here I am. I'm walking around central Bible college, looking like I just fell off the wagon. So, yeah, or just rode in on your horse. Oh, they would say, you know, turned to whatever book in the Bible. I literally had to go to the index and say what pages it on. You know, that's, that's, that's, you know what? But I think, but Neil, don't you think that that's where most of us live as men is that. And if you will, let me just, let me just hit that for a second. One of the things that you and I work with and work on is making sure men know the word of God. Well, the Bible, one of the things my dad taught me years ago was that most pastors are taught how to preach sermons, not how to disciple men. So most men learn how to listen to sermons, not how to study the word of God. Wow. That's good. And even now, it's probably worse now, Neil, because it used to be, you know, you kind of had to bring a Bible. Now you can bring your phone in access without knowing what was in front of it or behind it, right? Or it's on the screen. Yeah. And so you basically, I love it when a pastor says, all right, I need everybody to bring one of those paper to the Bible, so if you just, I know it sounds old school, but it's not. In fact, schools that adopt that iPads, you know, eight, nine, 10 years ago tablets for learning are going back to paper because they're finding that the learning occur when down, because the retention isn't there. And that actually when they make notes on paper, it actually increases the retention nonetheless. But yeah, you didn't know where things were and all of a sudden there you are in Bible college. And did you go there with a sense of, I'm going to study from the ministry or did that just happen through the process? No, I felt called. I felt a genuine call. And I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life in ministry as far as answering that call. I didn't know what that would look like. I had fasted dating after I come to Christ. I decided, you know, I've got a fast dating. I didn't know what fast was, but I made a decision not to date because of my previous lifestyle. And I just felt like, you know what, I've got to do this above everything else. And so I didn't date for a long time. I was in Bible college and thank God they had a weekend where the girls asked the guys out. So I had a few girls ask me on, I went out with one girl and married a third generation Pentecostal girl. And as pure as driven snow and she can explain some things to you. Oh, my goodness. She's helped me understand the culture. You know, you know, you have a Christian culture and then you have a Pentecostal culture and then you have, you know, even an assembly of God culture and she helped interpret all of that. That's narrower. Yeah, you know, and so if somebody said, man, where you come from, you come off the ranch or a coal mine and you go, yep. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that was my lifestyle. And I tell you what helped me a lot. In fact, I had the opportunity to thank his son, Zigg Ziggler, wrote a booksy at the top. And he was the first one that pointed to reading proverbs every day. If you need wisdom inside understanding discipline. And I certainly qualified, I needed wisdom, I needed help. And so I picked up a Bible that my grandmother had given me and I started reading proverbs. And I believed that that was the seed that led me to that decision in the coal mine. Even though I had not ventured outside of proverbs because I didn't know anything about all that. Right. Start reading proverbs. And when I did, all of a sudden, I really felt like God was involved. And so proverbs being a man's book really appealed to me. And so that's why I felt the liberty to cry out to God that night. Oh, wow. Really? Yeah. So that sort of predicated it then. Yeah. A few months ago, I was in La Jolla, California. A few months ago, I was in La Jolla, California with a day rams the event. And I was back in the VIP room type thing. And Tom Ziggler was in that room. And I got to thank Tom for his dad's influence on my life. Because I really believed that that book, that seed, was what sowed salvation into my life. Wow. That's fantastic. That is, and it's also a powerful testimony of the power of a book. And then somebody suggesting, hey, why don't you read this book, Proverbs. And of course, that is a man's book. And that's, since the book of wisdom. And James 1.5 of a man like Swism learned a masculine Lord who would give it to him without reproach. And so there's this. And of course, Proverbs starts talking about the immoral woman about this and that, and you're like, dude, this is all the stuff that I'm walking through. Yeah, a guy came up to me not long ago. As you know, I wrote a daily devotional called the daily champion. Because champions daily, what the average do only occasionally. And so we send that out every day, every morning. And so we have thousands upon thousands of men that read that every day. And so we published it. And it really is the best thing that we've ever done. It's just an exciting thing to see what it does in the lives of men. One man came up to me, he said, you know, I started reading Proverbs. He said, man, it's adultery, adultery, adultery. And he said, it's constantly warning about adultery. And I said, that's exactly how dangerous it is. It is the sin that reduces men. And so we got to get a handle on it. We got to get proof of it. Yeah, adultery is not just sexual or physical, is it? It's actually, it can be every area of a man's life. Where he's off doing something, it's apart from his family. It's turning his back on friends. It's the things that you talk about a lot. So this whole, now you've got five things. You know, I want to ask you about manhood in the culture and the United States in particular right now. You've got five things you've talked about. A man should be adventurous, entrepreneurial, gallant, faithful, philanthropic. So I put those together and I came up with the acrostic egg foam. I thought, wait a minute. Don't these guys usually do something that says a word? Like, I don't know. And that's what they teach you. I think they teach, I must have skipped that class at Central. Egg foe. Mobile college. Anyway, I think this entrepreneurial, gallant, faithful, philanthropic, it's in your five star man book. And fivestarman.com is your website. And people listening right now, man listening right now, can go there, get tools and resources, get on the daily email. But let me ask you something right now. And it just kind of hit this. It feels like manhoods in chaos in the United States. Feels like manhoods in chaos. I think we all know the stats. We all know that the issues with anxiety issues, 68% of our high school young men have a level of anxiety. In fact, anxiety disorder would be clinical. We've got something like 78% of the men in our junior high schools where I live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, in the junior high's that have no father in the home. But do you have hope for the future? I mean, where do you think we're at right now, Neil? Well, the five, what we call passions that you identified, those weren't just good ideas that I came up with. We didn't get a committee together. And say, what does a man of God look like? What happened was God spoke to me, Proverbs 20 verse 5, the purposes of a man or deep waters, men of understanding draws them out. So I knew that purpose is reside there. I just didn't know what they were. And not growing up under a father, of course, I'm wanting to know what really are my purposes. And so if you look at the word Eash, which is the word for man in that verse, you can categorize all of the definitions. And there's words like champion and priest and citizen and businessman and so forth. But you can put all of those words defining man, masculine male as opposed to the woman, in those five categories. So every man has an adventure spirit. So that works for us. It gives us the ability to take the risk for the reward. There's something about a man who relates differently than women relate. Men relate, showed her to shoulder facing a challenge. And so that's why we relate to football fields, baseball fields, battlefields. You know, a man who do score. Yeah, we keep score. There's something about us that's driven by that. And you take men who do battle together. They forge a relationship unlike any other man. Any other relationship, you look at Jonathan and David. David said, I loved him with a love better than a woman. And that was not in a sexual sense. That was in the sense that I had such a deep, passionate intimacy of brotherhood with him that it goes beyond that, that carnal type of love. And so you got this adventure spirit and entrepreneurial drive. And now you use the word entrepreneur, not because it's a biblical word, but because it perfectly describes pro-creativity. It describes the ability to take what God has given us and turn that into a commodity of exchange. And you talk about being, you know, gallant, the reason I use that word is because it means to show special attention and respect toward women in an honorable way. That is where our society has just literally abandoned the relationship of the male and the female. And they say toxic masculinity. The problem with that is everyone has all kinds of definitions of toxic masculinity. What we're actually seeing right now in our society, Paul, is passivity. We're seeing men are not showing up. They're playing fantasy games. They're checking out. You know, they're either living by carously through a football team or, you know, soccer or hockey or what a golf or whatever. Or they're actually just playing juvenile fantasy games and they're setting on the couch and we're being seduced by the sofa. And I don't mean that to be, let's say, I literally believe comfort is the temptation. So we're looking at our society and we're in deep trouble and because this society is wanting to identify us and identify us away from what it means to be a man. And so we're really in a battle. And I identify our enemy. We could use terms like devil and Satan and accuser and all of that. And sometimes that just kind of goes past us. Paul, what we're really dealing with, you deal with this every day in your efforts with Christian men's network. You deal with this, I deal with this every day. And it is this battle against an anti-man spirit. Yeah. And this anti-man spirit hates men. They, he hates the idea of man created in the image of God and created in the image of God, walking upon the earth and representing God. Yeah. And that's what men are called to be. Everything else set aside. Men are called to represent who they are created to be. And that is the representation of God upon the earth. Yeah. You know, the attack on the family, which we've talked about for years really starts with the attack on the man. And if the enemy can take the man out of father, then he begins to take the family out, which is why, and you talk about definition, that's so key. How we define ourselves is how we determine our actions. And over to every decision is based on definition. How we define ourselves. How we define ourselves. Can I give you a personal illustration on that? Okay, I mentioned earlier that my dad leaves at five years of age, right? And a few days later, my mom sets me down and setting next to her is her boyfriend. And they said to me, I'm five. They said to me, we're not gonna call you by your name Gary any longer. We're gonna call you Neil. And you're gonna take my boyfriend's name, Roberson. So that morning, I was born and that morning I woke up Gary Kennedy that night I went to bed, Neil Roberson. Wow. And in that day, they like period, they stole my identity. And what happens is if you don't know who you are, you'll never know why you are. Yeah. And so they stole my identity and so my whole life was trying to find out who am I? And I'm chasing it. I'm trying to define it. I'm trying to figure this out. I felt like everyone was on a, on a different time zone that I was on. They were all ahead of me. And I'm like, what is going on? And it was until the night in a coal mine at 3 a.m., I asked the Lord, do you know me? Do you care? And God spoke to me, I know you. I call you by your name. And I've given you the spirit of a son that you may call me Abba. Paul, that one moment changed everything. He gave me my identity. Knowing who I am changed everything. And when I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do, I lift my hands, I honor the Lord, I worship my father and I just want to know, if you will prove me this morning, I don't care what men say during the day. I don't need the opinions of men. I need the approval, God, everything else doesn't matter. Now you have your definition. That's it. And what you allow to define you will determine your destiny. That's it. That's powerful. Now, so Sebastian Younger wrote these books. He's a guy that wrote the perfect storm. And I'm sure you read some of his other books on Afghanistan, war and tribe, brotherhood coming together. How important is it for men to be in brotherhood? Well, it's vital that we engage with one another. What one thing I don't do is I don't, I don't encourage what most men call accountability partners. I don't encourage you. What do you mean the guys that you lie to? Well, that's the problem. Every man I'd ever asked me to hold them accountable stops taking my phone call. I don't have a relationship with them anymore. The moment they reveal their secrets, that's it. They don't want to ever talk to me again. And here's the problem with that. The problem within I have a solution, but the problem is when I ask another man to hold me accountable, I'm asking him to live my righteousness. And I'm asking him to be my judge. And I'm asking him to be my priest instead of go to my, the high priest or Lord Jesus Christ and our father. And if I will lie to God, I'll certainly lie to this man. So here's what I do. That of accountability. I'm not asking anyone to hold me accountable. I'm not asking to hold anyone accountable. But what I do ask for, and Paul, you and I can do that right now. And that is, how can two walk together less you agree in the same destination? Yeah. I need someone who can walk an agreement with me. Yeah. Now, when you have a brotherhood that is walking in the same direction to get to the same goal, I pressed toward the high mark, the high calling that God has established for me, then I'm going to go that direction. Paul said, follow me as I'm following Christ. Right. And so as I'm going and pressing toward that, I want some brothers to go with me. I want them locking arms with me. And I believe that that is vital. I believe that we need to encourage one another day there. Hebrews chapter three, encourage one another as long as it's called today. So the men are not hard by sin's deception. I want to engage with men every week. I want to have an engagement of it's almost like a huddle. You know, you get together. And what's that for? It's not to share feelings. It's not for us to get in a little group and have women's ministry for men. It's to get together and talk about strategy and goal and life. And have the older men give wisdom to the younger and the younger men, you know, strengthen the zeal of the elder. And and I don't like segregating the ages. I like, you know, how do boys become men? They hang around men. Yeah. You know, I wrote an article where it happens. You know, I wrote an article on. They got like a million shares on family share one time. And it was like, don't take your boy to a salon. Take him to a barber. And I just laid out the case. Men, boys need to be in the environment of other men. And I'm telling you, you would have thought I was blasphemy. I said, you know, boys don't want to come out getting a haircut, smelling like they've been, they've got a perm. You know, and boys need to be around other men. That's where that brotherhood comes in. Well, that's it. That's because they're going to, that's going to be their model. You know, that's a, that's a powerful truth. Now, how have you, how have you done that as a father in your own family? You have three children, you know, talking to Neil Kennedy, five star man, five star man, dot com, written a number of books, five star man being one of them. You've written books for entrepreneurs. You've also written books on finances. But you've written a couple of powerful books on father and fatherhood. That whole piece. How did you, you know, what with, because now you've got this thing, you go to school, you've become a pastor, you've ended up pastor in churches. You start having children. What determination did you make at that point to do something different with your children? Well, I wanted to, you know, I had to explore the scripture to find out what, what I needed to be as a, as a father at first, I had to start, what do I need to do to be a husband? You know, and what does that actually look like? What, what does husband actually look like and cultivating? And so basic raising children is, you know, direct your children in the way they should go. You know, the only way your children can stay on course, if you first show them the way. So I wanted to give my children course direction. And so there's a few things that I did that just really helped. And, and that was just following the lead of Abraham, who, you know, the very selection of Abraham was because God said, I know that you'll direct your family. I know that you will give your children and their children direction so that my promises can be fulfilled through you. And so I wanted to protect my children from the iniquities of my own fathers. And I wanted to give them a destiny of a promises. It's kind of like when Abraham, remember, you know, sometimes we pick up the story to, to late. And we don't get to backstory. It was Abraham's father, Taroah, who was, had it in his heart to get to Canaan. Right. But, you know, he leaves the era of the Caudins and he gets to Heron. Yeah. And, you know, ironically, Heron, the city, is the same name as his son, Heron, who died prematurely leaving Lod and some sisters. Well, he gets to Heron and the Bible clearly says in Genesis 11 that when he got to Heron, he settled there. Very quick. Okay, but his destiny was supposed to be the Canaan. Right. It's supposed to be the Promised Land. Now, you know, I know I'm not on here to preach, but this is a good preach moment. Yeah. Your destiny is not the promises. Your destiny is where you decide to stop. Well, your destiny, your destiny is determined by the steps that you're willing to take or not take. Yeah. The steps of the righteous men are ordered. That means God will order your steps, but you have to take them. And Tarak settled short. In the next verse, Genesis chapter 12, God says, you're going to have to leave your father and your father's household to go to the place that I will show you. It was that moment of decision to say, you know what? It's more important for me to be loyal to my destiny than it is to my father's legacy. It's more important for me to keep pressing forward. And that was the decision I had to make as a man. Am I going to just repeat the pattern of insanity? Or am I going to chart a new course with my children? Paul, I didn't tell my children about my backstory for years. I didn't want them identifying with the kind of family I came from. So I had to set a new example and I established curbs. I found that curbs are wonderful. When my first daughter wanted to drive, I'd thank God for whoever invented curbs because curbs got the ditch. And so I gave my children curbs. This is the direction that we go as a family. So I set those courses and I gave them direction. You know, I always put God first, but I put my ministry after my family. So it's God family, then my ministry. My ministry was always a second fiddle to my family. Yeah, had to be. Yeah. I remember Pastor Tommy Barnett, who's a legend as a pastor and leader in Christendom across the United States and around the world. I remember talking to him years ago, and he had two sons. And he was telling me, and we were talking about raising children. And he said, he said, I go not only to all my sons games. He said, I'm at all their practices. I said, are you really? He said, this is years ago, sons are older in their 40s now. And he said, yeah, he said, here's what I do. He said, take the correspondence that I'm supposed to go through. So this is back in the day, right? So it's all paper. He said, take that correspondence. He said, the little folder I have. Take a folding chair. I go to their practice. I sit there and make notes on my correspondence and watch their practice. He said, at the end of it, you got two sons, Matt and Luke. And he said at the end of their, young as being Luke, he said at the end of their high school careers, the stuff that they did there. He said, the coaches gave him an award. As a parent. So he was the one parent that was always there. And I thought, man, this is a guy that passed through the church of thousands of people. Very well known in a civic realm in terms of solving issues within the culture. And yet he put his family first. I never forgot that. I, I never forgot that. And he told me that when my children were very young. And I had been practicing that myself. And I thought, man, he's so right. And these are things. When you talk about doing this on purpose, Neil, and you take the, you know, God will direct you, but you've got to walk. I think of Abram when he got the promise of God, that he was going to have a job. When he got the promise of God. That he was going to have a son. And Abram was this great father in the faith. As Christians, we look to him as a father in the faith, Abraham. And even before he was Abraham, he was Abraham. And he trusted God. It was counter to him. Right. So he was going to cut covenant with God. It's in Genesis chapter 15. And he says, he said, I'm going to cut covenant with God. And, and this was a blood sacrifice animals. In those days. And he said, now we give him our heart, you know, our life. And, and so he said, he said, I'm going to do this covenant. And then the Bible says some vultures swooped in to try to steal. That, that sack were those sacrifices. And it's like in our lives, every time we get a promise from God, we're going to try to steal it. Right. And then it says that Abram chased the vultures away. It doesn't say he got off to the side and went, well, there, there you go. It's just the way it is. It doesn't say that he knelt down in the middle of it and went, oh, God, if it's your will, you know. And now he got up and chased the vultures away. And what you're talking about with your family is on purpose. You taught them the Bible on purpose. You prayed with them on purpose. You didn't just say, okay, well, I guess that's a music everybody listens to today. I've ever been in my nephews house up in Colorado a few months ago. And his little nine year old press a little daughter came in and she played a song on her, on her phone. And he looked at it and he went, what is that? She goes, oh, it's a song that I picked up some of the kids at school. And he goes, yeah, we don't play that song here. And that's not going to be on your phone. And then he explained why. Right, right? Because it was degrading. Actually, it was degrading to her as a woman, as a girl, femininity. And so this is what we don't allow. That's how you create culture. And well, the atmosphere, the atmosphere that you allow in your home becomes the culture of your children. There you go, man. That's it. The atmosphere, everything grows or dies based on the atmosphere. So we were, we were very guarded on our home now. I sit down with a wealthy businessman one time and we were all at dinner together. It was my wife, my children, and he, and he's a friend of the family. And so, and he said, Neil, do you mind if I ask your children a question? Of course, go ahead. I thought it was kind of an odd approach at the moment, but he looked at my children and he said, I need to know something. He said, my children are young. And I need to know, how did your parents raise you? Wow. To live a holy life without legalism. And so it was interesting to hear my kids answer those questions. You know, he didn't ask me how I did it. He asked them, how did your parents raise you to live holy lives without legalism? And so it was refreshing to hear how that happened because I honestly probably had not thought about it. My wife is a very strong prayer warrior. She gets it. She knows how to pray for her family. I'm exploring out principles constantly from the scriptures. What I would do is I would get in the car with my kids. And I would often take them to school. And so on the way to school, I would teach them. Or if I'm taking them to an event or ballgame or whatever. Just out of my overflow, I would teach them. I didn't plan on it. It was just what am I supposed to be sharing, teaching, and it was just a natural flow more than just setting down. And we all had family devotion together. We did that on rare occasions when we were really battling a crisis in our lives, family. That's when we would get together and have family devotion and pray together. On a normal day in and day out, it was just simply as we went about life, I'm constantly just talking to them about their life and applying the scripture to it. See, that's, and it's a, you know, a man I've known for years, Kevin Lehman, psychologist, he said, look for those teachable moments, those teachable moments. It's not like you got in the car every day and went, OK, everybody give me the three. It's just like, you know, stuff comes up, hey, you know, I'm trying out for baseball around, I'm working on this project. And you say, well, you know, what does it mean to be faithful to that project? You know, it's just those teachable moments. And I found that a lot of those teachable moments come in the crucible of crisis. These moments where things didn't go right, you want things to go right. And in fact, you know, we live in a culture today. Atlantic, the Atlantic magazine just published an article that says, why are teens in America so sad. Point number four had to do with progressive parenting. And what they meant was the where we've gone in a place of wanting things for our children to the point that we're there in first grade, we're trying to mold them into a child that can end up in Harvard. And letting them be a kid, you know, and we want everything safe. We don't want anybody to get hurt. We want everything safe. And I asked some men, I was at dinner with a number of men, friends of mine last Monday night. And I just said to the guys, I said, hey, how many of us have seen it? How many times have we seen kids with broken arms lately? And they go, yeah, not too many. I said, that's the problem in our culture. We don't have any boys with broken arms. We don't have a job to have roots on the mattresses. I have a small book I wrote how to raise a, how to raise a five star man. And it's really for women, you know, raising boys. And the first chapter is raise a dirty boy. Let them get hurt. The goal is to, you know, get out of the house. Don't come home until you see three stars. And, you know, come home with scratches, bruises, and broken bones are preferred. You know, we've got to get to the point where our kids are being allowed to be hurt. Because if they're not ever hurt, they'll never be able to take the risks that, that the rewards of life come through. Yeah. And it takes risk. You know, I mean, frankly, if you want to get anything done, I think it was Benjamin Franklin, who said, and of course, he ages would have been different back then. But he said, most men die, most men die at 40. We just don't bury until they're 65. And I think it's still true. I think a lot of, a lot of us as men basically hit a certain place. Let's say in our mid 40s and we're like, yeah, you know, I guess this is it. It's kind of hang out, kind of, kind of just glide, mail it in, if you will. And I see that in so many different areas of culture. And as Jesus came to give us the abundant life. It's such a tragedy because I have friends, you know, you and I, I don't know how, how you are, but we're at an age where we have a lot of friends that are coming in for their landing and they're just talking about the landing. Paul, I just feel like for the first time in my life, I'm taking off. I feel like everything in my life has led to this point. But here's a decision I had to make. Yeah. Neil, are you going to be conditioned for your purpose? Yeah. You know, I'm turning 60 next week. So I had to ask the question, are you going to be conditioned in your 60s to be able to fulfill your purpose? Are you going to allow the God of sugar to overtake your body? Are you going to sit down and be seduced by the sofa? Are you going to just give up chasing life and chasing purpose when this could be the most valuable decade of my life in these next, these next few years? Absolutely. Because now I finally have, I feel something to offer. And, you know, Hebrews 11, 13 says these were all living by faith when they died. I don't receive the things promised they only saw and welcomed them from a distance. Paul, I really am at a place in my life that my prayers changed. My prayers are not about just cars, my clothes, my cottage. My prayers are about my cause. I am praying about what may require longer than my own life time to achieve. I am praying about my children and my children's children. And my goal, my goal, and I hope every man will listen to me carefully on this. My goal in life is really simple. I don't chase awards. I don't chase acknowledgment from other in organizations. I want one compliment to hit my ears. My children, I want to hear my children, kill their children. We serve the God of my father. Yeah. Come on, man. That's it. That's my goal in life. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. The Acts 2, 17 says in the last days, and this is, I've been sharing this a lot, Neil, because people are so shaken by everything that's going on, whether it's Ukraine, or Ethiopia, or Southern Philippines, or wherever your, you know, your, your access might be. And we're concerned about the chaos that's in culture. But the Bible says, in the last days, I will pour out my spirit, your sons and daughters will prophesy. So I'll pour out my spirit on all people. And then here's the key phrase for me. It says, your young mental see visions and your own dream dreams. And my deal is, I think this culture because of men like yourself and fathers rising up, there will be young men because when you think of a visionary, what do you think of? You think of an older man? When you think of a dreamer, what do you think of a younger man? But God said in Acts, he said, your young men will be visionaries and your old men will be dreamers. I believe that this, the arrow we're in right now is just right for young men to be visionaries. And for older men to have new dreams. I mean, if Kentucky fried chicken, who was that guy, Colonel Sanders, it started to hang in his late 60s and it really blew up when he was 80. Yeah, huge when he was 85. You know, if that guy can have a dream at that age, any man, and particularly in the culture we're in today. You know, with the internet and all the tools that we have, you can start business, you can blow up in six months. And I believe God wants older men who have wisdom and who have traction. And for some of us have a little bit more time than maybe others who are raising a family. You don't have everybody in the house on top of you. I believe that you can dream new dreams. I believe God can put a movie in your life for, you know, running for city council or whatever may be. And I believe this is the greatest time to be alive. We live in the greatest era ever in the history of the world. I mean, I've got, I've got young guys who come to me and you know, I know you hit the same thing. And they say, you know, we're not sure about bringing children into this world. I got to do it. Are you kidding me? 300 years ago, you bring a child into this world. He would have lived to be 46 and probably be working. Right. And in the field somewhere, I never have a future. And probably not even learn how to read or write. And now today, this kid's going to have iPads and all this different stuff. Are you kidding? It's the greatest time. So what we have to do is we have to create the culture in our own homes that we want our children, the atmosphere, as you said. That we want them to grow up in. You know, put those, as you said, the curbs or the boundaries in place for our children teach them what's right and wrong. So as they grow older, they know how to make their own decisions. And we're going to have to do that a younger age. We're past the point, Neil, where a church can take 9, 10, 11 and 12 year old young men and just have them go play games. We're going to, you know, it's good to play games and it's good to get them tired. They need that. But it's also extremely important for the older men to be able to teach those young men. Here's what, here's how you shake hands with a man. Here's how you look them in the eye. Here's how you say yes or no sir. Here's how you, here's how you do this. Here's how you comport yourself. Here's how you treat a woman. Here's how you are respectful. Here's how you get ahead. Here's how you're faithful. All those things that's going to help them, whether they, they end up being a welder or end up working politics or end up working an IT, whatever it may be, the same basics that you talked about in a five star man. Or whatever young man needs to know and that's up to us. So I thank God for what you're doing with five star man, five star man, calm, Neil Kennedy. And it's been great having you on brave men today, Neil. Thanks Paul. I'm honored honored. Yeah, really blessing. I would just pray that the Lord blesses you, expands, increases what you do, keeps you deep within the group of his favor and grace. And that what you're doing with five star man goes nation to nation and touches millions of men. You know, you talk about a dream for the future with Christmas network. We have a 100 year dream raising up 100 million fathers who know how to hug their children. And so believing that that lives beyond us, what a man doesn't life becomes history, what he puts in the motion becomes his legacy. So I pray the legacy of your life, Neil, and what you've done and what you sacrificed for. And as you turned that ripe old age of 60. I pray this thing just keeps cranking and just fits larger and better and stronger. And the Lord blesses you and me as Paul. Thank you, my friend. You just experienced brave man with Paul Lewis Cole. Paul is president of the Christian men's network, connect with Paul at cmd.man. Or write to him at Paul at cmd.man.