BraveMen S4E106: John Arana - Friendship

Abraham who's called the father of faith for the Christian faith had a secret weapon and it's the same secret weapon God has given to you and me Abraham was called the father of faith because he trusted God enough to act on his word, but what was that secret? Well in James the half-brother Jesus wrote this he said Abraham believed God it was accounted for righteousness and he was called the friend of God and Isaiah 41 it says you are Israel my servant take of whom I have chosen that the descendants of Abraham my friend I want to talk about friendship and brotherhood today with John Arana and I believe John that that brotherhood and friendship you know I saw a stat recently it said the average man where we live in the United States has 1.7 friends and I thought and everybody knows who the point seven guy is he's the guy that doesn't show up when you move right that's good he's the guy that comes over for barbecue and doesn't bring anything like dude at least bring some asparagus yeah something you know some little yes some doctor pepper come on yeah that guy that's the point seven hey we're going to talk about friendship and brotherhood with my friend John Arana today on brave men it's brave man with Paul Lewis Cole wisdom encourage for the journey all the tools you need to disciple men and to grow your life as a man as a dad and as a pastor are available at cmn.man christian men's network cmn.man tools for building strong men strong families and strong churches John we started crack it up about the point seven guy at the open yeah but man we all know that guy you know and maybe we've been that guy right that might be part of it yeah but this whole friendship thing is huge brotherhood I don't I don't know you know being part of a team because you grew up you played sports athletics yeah you're really good basketball player I used to be yeah well probably still got a shot just you can't you can't get open you used to be able to get open yeah you still should just can't get open yeah pass me the ball you're not open so the fact is man brotherhood I don't know how you even pastor or or grow as a man without a group of guys right yeah some people do encourage you gotta have it gotta have you know people in your life that are willing to you know have the the type of relationship that they can just speak into your life you know especially if you're a leader because if you're a leader you tend to seclude yourself or well you can have other people going hey man you're awesome yeah yeah yeah yeah everybody wants to praise you but I mean in order to grow as a man you gotta have other men around you that you can try and sharpen it's a must but I mean this but you also gonna have those guys who tell you not only tell you hey you know you might think about not doing this sure you don't need a guy coming up and hitting you in the face every time right dude that message sucks maybe in the shoulder yeah maybe in the shoulder but you also need some guys that are there when when you're not feeling good absolutely you know we had you know one of our closest friends Rob Carmen this past way yeah and uh yourself and some other guys called me and say hey man how you doing today sure now how's it going exactly because that was a big hit man yeah and of course you know Andrew and and Amy his children and Ginger his amazing wife yeah you know we're living through that day by day of course yeah but those who were close because we we had all kinds of plans yeah over the next five years we're gonna do all this stuff I know and that that that brotherhood that we had yeah enlarged me and empowered me yeah absolutely and then at his death now I needed men like you and Mike Murphy and Robert Perricker and and other guys who would call me and come around and go hey man you okay sure right how are you doing yeah how are you doing and actually mean how you doing yeah yeah exactly not to say how you doing good okay cool yeah right you know you need some you need some brothers and some friends yeah and and that's why church is so important when we talk about church not just talking about the body of Christ we're talking about actually getting together sure with other men a real community of brothers dude I'm telling you listen to this I'm in the gym okay working out as a couple years ago and I'm I'm in the gym and there's a guy next to me and we're both on these bicycle things right stationary bike okay and a guy walks up to him and says hey where's whatever the guy's name was where's Joseph okay and oh man you didn't hear uh man he had a heart attack you know he's been out he's been down and out for about six weeks what recovering okay and the guy says to him the guy says to him he says man I didn't know that we're friends oh man he says we work out to get it all the time but I just hadn't seen him I go dude you're a friend oh man he said that he said that guy's my friend oh my gosh we hadn't seen him in six weeks and he hasn't even called or nothing we probably didn't have his phone number and that's the problem John as we say hey we're friends yeah yeah and we go guys let's say we're at a bar or we got guys at uh let's say we play softball or or or we're you know doing mountain biking with a bunch guys yeah but if those guys don't know your story yeah and if they don't know your phone number yeah and you don't show up for five Fridays in a row to do uh jeeping with them no one's looking for you nobody's looking for you he's not your friends yeah exactly right that's right you've got to have some guys who know your stuff know a little bit about your story yeah and if you're not there for a couple weeks they go hey dude what's up yeah or they're the kinds of guys you're not there once that was just show up at your house it's a gay man right together absolutely we've got to have that and that's why that's why I'm always encouraging men I think it's great to be a part of a group of guys you know who get together and go you know bike riding or dirt bikes or or whatever it may be you know bowling league whatever yeah but I think there needs to be some men who understand you spiritually yeah and and I think you need to be at a church and if and if your church doesn't have a men's group or someplace where guys get together star one yeah there you go right there you go star one yeah and if you and if there is something there it's like I've got a guy talked to recently he goes well they have one every Saturday morning well have you ever gone no why not dude seriously you're gonna go through that's a different problem you're gonna go through your business and not have a guy you can tell hey pray with me over this yeah we've got to have friends yeah you know what is it what is the word say about friendship John what did what highlight points you can give us about friendship me you know obviously some of the great examples you find the Bible is Jonathan and David you know is that that connection and that friendship that you know meant meant so much and it means so much to us as a story because we learned that if we're truly brothers you know then like you're saying there's an openness there's a vulnerability there's a support it's not a judgmental relationship you know it's a it's a support and we know each other's life we know each other's family and we're there you know I mean we might be busy doing projects or running businesses or running churches but we are connected and we get together and we share our lives and I think that the sad part of it is that most of us know it's important most of us know how valuable it is but there just doesn't seem to be an easy way for a man to connect with that you know and that's why it's so important the Christian men's network the small groups of men and the and the different workshops and and and events because we have to create tools and vehicles for men to connect with that because it's so hard to get guys and that's the beauty of doing the curriculum with Christian men's network is you talk about stuff yeah and it's not like okay five answers and whatever right it's like dude that opens something else up I've got two friends now who have started a men's group one there's three other no excuse me there's three groups total now he started one he goes yeah I just started with these two other guys yeah because we're both in AA together okay and so we decided well let's go through I think they started with a communication section money or something okay and and so he goes yeah and this one guy he took it to some other guys were friends of his and he's got six guys in that group and then one of those guys took it and they've got eight guys in another group and then with then our group doubled in size that's crazy because yeah it's crazy it's not yeah yeah and I've got another friend over in Rowlett Texas he had the same thing happen yeah group because men talk about stuff and there's got to be a place where you just have to be able to say hey yeah my daughter just came out as lesbian yeah right and I have to be able to share this with somebody and I have to be able to pray with this how do I approach this as a dad you know and that has to be a very special group of guys that are in your life because for a man to open up and say something like that he has to know that he's in a 100% safe environment where he can say something like that and I think we're talking about also that degree that level yeah I don't think you walk into this a bunch of guys and go hey by the way anybody hey what's your name man that's a meet you hey let me tell you about my daughter hey man let me tell you about you know my boss I don't appear with my wife you know just thought I'd lay it on you yeah and the guy goes yeah hey really okay next I gotta go I gotta go so the thing is yeah you you build those bonds relationship but that happens because men who have been forgiven understand forgiveness and when you get together with some Christian men yeah who are followers of Christ and you may not feel like hey I'm not I don't really know that much about following Christ I don't even know if I do right okay yeah but I'm gonna go get with these guys yeah that right there that step right there I'll put to us some men oh yeah who who understand forgiveness and and they'll and they'll show you the way and they'll show you the way and I think there's let me rattles five characteristics real quick of what of brotherhood and real friendship real quick number one don't do it too quick okay okay okay this is gonna be good I can tell five characteristics of brothers and arms okay number one love yeah love is a choice love is an action and basically you act to benefit your brother number two is sacrifice wow if you're really my brother then you're going to be willing to you know even even pay the price to either help me or pull me out or nudge me forward you know uh there there there there has to be and part of that we're talking about sacrifice part of it is just listening right yeah I mean dude someone has no absolutely and and and you have to be willing to say you know what I'm gonna have to carry this guy yeah I'm gonna walk with you now walk with you I'm gonna pick you up I'm gonna be there to to you know to strengthen you with you guys do that for you I've had guys do that for me and I've done that for other than for others yeah I mean you know this there's been times that I've needed somebody to be there you know call me knock on my door you know uh how you doing take me out for dinner and say okay how's this going how's that going so it's that willing to step out and go the extra mile number number three is faithfulness being dependable you know when your friend says when your friend says hey uh you're gonna move you know what count on me and not me that point seven guy point seven guy but be that one guy that shows up you know one it'd be the one that I love it this is dependable the one that's gonna go through that that's gonna keep his word yeah that's gonna show up on time you know for you and in in terms of your friendship and your connection you know I've I've texted guys and say hey just praying with you about this deal you're going through right now and I've had guys shocked like did you texted me go yeah cuz we're friends yeah right yeah and I've had guys do that to me and I get a text from somebody or a call or something like yeah gosh that guy was actually praying for me yeah and that that comforts you man oh I mean that gives you strength you know yeah okay especially a difficult time then especially if they got a hundred bucks I'll win more you okay here take me out to dinner man so faithfulness and then honesty you know I think honesty is so crucial in more good relationships you know you know obviously honestly honestly in a wise way you know let's let's respect each other but let's be let's be honest with each other let's let's let's speak our heart and let's be able to speak into each other's life you know that I think the honesty thing is really key and I also think when you said respect yeah I think you also have to I've had guys I've I've had to stop them and say listen out of respect for your wife okay and the fact that you respect her don't share this with me right now until you guys have prayed never the counselor cuz I'm not your counselor but I'll be your friend yeah I'll walk through this with you yeah I know you guys are dealing with stuff but I don't need to know yeah the little detail stuff yeah it's just your personal you know what I'm saying yeah yeah exactly I think there has to be that kind of wisdom yeah and and not in a rebuke but I've had guys come back later yeah that was oh yeah it's a gentle word because I'm covering your wife man exactly and you gotta cover her yeah yeah yeah so that honesty is huge and that's huge and so with wisdom yeah because a lot of times we think oh you know I don't want to offend him I don't want him to get irritated but if we're really really friends we have that open door and if we do it we respect then it's done the right way and then the last one is trust in in a way faithfulness is built with trust and trust is built with time you know trust is built as we walk together as we prove each other trust worthy in our relationship and those things take time but that's why friendship takes time so coming back to honest I think trust when we to me when you talk about trust I trust God because he's always faithful yeah I trust God because he keeps his word yeah I trust God because I know he loves me and the Bible says that nothing can separate me from that love yeah right so that's your first point yeah so to me coming back to our original comment and statement is is that he calls us friends in Romans 15 or excuse me John 15 he said I'm no longer call you slaves I call you friends friends and I think that friendship when he calls us friends and Abraham was the friend of God and and John says in fact let me let me read it a no longer call you slaves because a master doesn't confide in the slaves it's John 15 15 now you are my friends since I've told you everything the father told me you didn't choose me I chose you so love trust friendship honesty it's checking the boxes yeah yeah so God lines Jesus lines up with your five it's good well I'll tell you it's it's when you have these kind of friendships and this kind of brotherhood yeah that it helps you to to go through life step by step you know I mean you rub shoulders with with your real brother and you get the support you get the even the inside you get the the short little counsel you know that helps you to get through and it even helps you succeed in life because if if you don't have people around you you're like just wandering in a world and you don't even know you know you don't have any point of reference you don't have any friendship you don't have any dialogue with any friendship friendship those built based on that give me those five again number one number one is love love two is sacrifice sacrifice faithfulness faithfulness honesty honesty and trust and trust you know there's a chemical there's chemicals in our body the most powerful sense of satisfaction as pleasure is dopamine dopamine and that's for pornography just short short circuits men yeah but dopamine's really called a marriage chemical because it's what connects a husband and wife that pleasure she you know Karen walks in the room and you go oh bone on my bone that's what happened to me right and there's that there's that connect but the second most powerful chemical in the body is called oxytocin and oxytocin is the chemical secreted when people bond women bond face to face but men bond shoulders shoulder facing a challenge doing work doing stuff together and we bond and that friendship bonding that chemical God gave us that so that we would be connected in the same way we're connected with him we connect with each others as I kind of say this way everybody needs a bob a band of brothers everybody needs a bob everybody needs a band of brothers that's good and right now today we pray for you as you're listening to this we pray for you and your friendships in the depth of friendships you've got to have friendship with your wife friendship with your children and that doesn't mean you're coming your best their best friend but it's the attributes of friendship the attributes that you can be trusted that you are the one who's there you know the the Bible talks about a friend is the one who's there in times of trouble a friend is closer than a brother the aximy of that is a a brother may not always be your friend but a friend will always be your brother that's good Paul that's really good so thanks for being with us today on brave men and that's our fifth I think we did 18 minutes but the fact is that's our you know 15 go trying to hit 15 minutes on these things and just give you a top line on these subjects we're talking about and you can find all these on Spotify Apple we're on Amazon now with the podcast and one of the things you could do to help us with brave men is click on subscribe click on subscribe and subscribe to it and that actually helps us get in front of more people and see them in dot men is the website christian minister works cmn dot men and find all resources there's many video resources on youtube if you go to monday night men on youtube you'll find a series of teaching on youtube we have a youtube channel and tools all of this about helping us become the man God designed us to be and the man we desire to be and the man our family infants need us to be hey remember hope is alive hope as a name hope's name is Jesus we'll see you next time on brave men you just experienced brave man with Paul Lewis Cole Paul is president of the christian men's network connect with Paul at cmn dot man or write to him at Paul at cmn dot man