BraveMen S3E92: Paul & Judi Cole - Mother's Day Special

It's Brave Man with Paul Lewis Cole, wisdom and courage for the journey. One of the most amazing and stunning things about Jesus when we study his life, the interaction of God and man, is that he had a mom, today's our mother's day special, and yes, we celebrate Mary. We celebrate all moms, and today to help us illuminate our lives and to learn more about being a mom is one of the most amazing women who's ever lived on the face of the earth, my spectacular wife, Judy. Great to have you on Brave Men. It's good to be on Brave Men. Yeah, we're going to help, we're going to help some guys. I hope so. Yeah, you hope so. There's some guys who need some help, and we need help. We all need help. We were talking a minute ago. It's why we have instant replay in sports, is because as men, we don't always remember stuff. That's right. We want to see it again and again. We're just going to get right into it. The whole thing, being a mom and everything, and we've been married for, can we talk about that? Can we talk about that? We can. We can. So like when we had been married 35, 38 years, you didn't want to tell anybody? I was fine with that. Okay, but it's when you hit, we're, we're hitting 50 this year. 50 years. 50 years? Yes. It's amazing. Crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. Well, it's amazing. You looked at me and went, it's amazing. I could do this for 50 years. This is a very needy man over here. You're amazing. You're amazing. No, it's amazing. So the thing is, is that people ask us, how do you stay married for 50 years? And what do you tell them? Well, I tell my pretty special woman to put up with you. Oh, wow. Yeah, let me put that in my bio. I'm going to put that in my bio. Yeah. And my wife has had to put up with me. No, I think, honestly, I think that we both went into this relationship committed. Yeah. And I think that, yeah, fully through the ups and downs of everything, we just, I think we just never gave up on that. That was just not, not making it work was not an option for us. Not an option. Yeah, true. So we worked through it, worked through all my stuff, craziness. We actually forgot one of our anniversaries. We did. Which one was it? Seven. Seven. Yes. I was doing dishes in the floor playing or something, and all of a sudden we both realized we'd forgotten our anniversary. That's the last time. I think kids will do that to your brain. Yes, I think that's what happens. Yeah. And you are an amazing mom. You have three children and six grandchildren. And then we have three adopted grandchildren, live in Nashville. And it's been quite a journey. I think sometimes we don't think about what it takes to be a mom, particularly as guys. Right. You know. And what was the, what would be the highlights of being a mom? I mean, what would, what would be like, this was, this was the joy because we know there's hard work involved. And after all you raised two boys and a daughter. So you know, you know, it was interesting, interesting dynamics there. Right. As they grew up and they're fairly close together in age. What was the greatest part of being a mom? Well, you know, I think for me, just the fact that I am a mom, you know, we had a hard time having children in the beginning. And so the fact that I am a mom at all is pretty amazing to me. And I think for me now, the fact that my children live near me and that I get to have them nearby and we get to celebrate life all the time with them is just a real highlight for me now. That's pretty amazing to have them close. It is. And in the grandkids. And they call you Gammy. They do. I remember you told Lindsey you said, because we're originally from California, now we live in Texas. And there's a lot of different names for grandparents, especially grandmothers. And you decided I was not going to be one of those names. I'm not going to be one of those. So you came up with a name. Now, I've actually only heard it one other time for me, buddy. Yeah, just a couple times. Yeah. And you're Gammy. I'm Gammy. You're Gammy. With no R. Right. You're Gammy. Right. And I remember Lindsey saying saying to you, because with her first Reese, who's now 15, Lindsey, our daughter, who's the oldest said, mom, they're just going to call you whatever they call you. And you said, no, no, they won't. They won't. We tell them this is my name. This is how it works. That's how it works. You know, I love this. There's a story that I read recently of football players, Jimmy Smith, who's a wide receiver of Jaguars. His mom's name is at up. And the first time he ever caught a touchdown pass, he's 11 years old. And this just reminds me of you with your children, because you rooted for your kids, right? That's what a mom does. And I think of Mary with Jesus. I opened with that. And I think of Mary rooting for her son, knowing who he was, right? Because she knew. And of her, you know, imparting her life into him and her wisdom and rooting for him and then the disaster, if you will, of the cross. And then the resurrection, the things that happened. And the turmoil of actually being his mom. And so anyway, so there's in rooting for him. So Jimmy Smith's mom, he was 11 years old. He catches a pass. He's a wide receiver. And he goes out for a pass. He's 11. Catches a pass. She's so excited. He's caught a pass because he gets set free. Like he turns in the defender, misses him. And he's running. She's so excited. She jumps out of the stands, starts running along the sidelines, yelling at him, Ron baby, Ron. And she beat him to the touchdown line. Well, something comes over us, you know, rooting for our kids. I can remember just running back and forth when my boys played football, you know, when our boys played football. And that was just, you know, it was so exciting for just we root for our kids, you know, something we just forget who we are. Mama, you know, it's all about them. Yeah, it is. It's amazing thing as a man, you know, I mean, I was there for the birth. Well, I was there for the conception too. Yes, it's a min show. It's a brave man. Okay. So I was there for both parts of that. But I didn't carry that child. I mean, that's an amazing thing. It's just I don't know if a woman's ever more beautiful than when they're pregnant. I mean, it's there's something about it. It's remarkable. It is remarkable. Yeah. Yeah. And it is kind of the thing that, um, you know, wasn't it one of your friends that says something? I don't worry about it. It's only a year out of their life or something. No, no, no, no, it was a Mary time of Morsho. Oh, yeah, it was, it was my dad's friend, you know, dad, you know, my dad's friend, Gavin McLeod, who was a Murray, and it was Ted Baxter and Ted Murray's wife's pregnant. Oh, my wife's pregnant. And Ted says, Hey, you know, it's a few hours at the hospital. Come on, it's not like taking a year out of a life or anything. Yeah. And not an hour, by the way, let's just talk about that. Yeah. Man, it can be more than that. What an amazing thing to birth a child and to hold that child for the first time. What was that like for you with your first with Lindsay? Oh, with Lindsay. Wow. That was a moment, you know, I mean, um, we had prayed for that little girl. We had prayed for that child, you know, for a long time. And I felt like, um, well, you know, God, God just basically whispered in my ear that I was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah. So that was a really, it's an amazing story that sometimes I forget how miraculous it was looking back on that, you know, that, um, we had waited a long time for her. Yeah. Um, we'd gone through all the tests and, you know, it wasn't for lack of trying. It wasn't for lack of trying. We were trying, we were eager to try, um, but it just was in every month that went by when I wasn't pregnant was really sad. It was really, if it came really hard and then, you know, we just, um, I think the doctor told us that the next step would have to be like a DNC or something. And I'm like, you know, I'm not going to do that. We're just going to trust God with this thing because obviously there was nothing wrong with either one of us. That's what we were told. And so sometimes you just have to trust God's timing. Yeah. And I really understand the, um, the struggle of, of that, you know, I think for me, I carry a, uh, huge heart for women who struggle getting pregnant because we did have that. And yeah. But then and there are so many amazing things you can do anymore about that, but we didn't do that. You know, we just tried to rest and not even a real promise, just, uh, just a sense that God knew, you know, that his timing was perfect for us. And, um, yeah. So, well, that, that, uh, Lindsay was born December the 6th, 1977. Right. So, uh, that previous New Year's Eve, you and I stayed home didn't go out with friends or anything. And we stayed home and did communion. Yeah. Remember that? Yeah. We did. And, uh, man, it was a special time. I think now of the communion we just did in our journey together when you had cancer. Yes. And, uh, how we did communion together and prayed over that and how the Lord has so graciously answered prayer on this. And today, you said, who your cancer free? I am. Yeah. God is good. So it was, was it? I'm sorry. Well, I just think that, um, one of the biggest things that we as a couple, we have always just known, um, we, we have just seen God take us through so many things in our lives. Yeah. And when this happened, when we got this diagnosis, boy, we're really getting away from motherhood right now, but this is part of our journey. Yeah. It's part of a journey of being a mom now or stuff. Yeah. Well, it's just that, you know, I remember telling my kids because we had to tell them that there was a possibility that something was wrong. And I just remember feeling just this sense of like, listen, um, you know, your dad and I have been through many, many things in our lives and many difficult things, many, really hard things. And God has never failed us. Never. And so, you know, when you've gone through a few things in your life and you have, you know, stood on the promises of God and you lean into those things. And even when you don't think something is happening, God is a redeemer in a redeemed, um, this situation as he has redeemed many others in our lives. And I knew telling them, um, I thought, you know, this is my truth. This is what I know about God. Yeah. And, um, so from a sense of knowing who he was and knowing what he can do and what he would do, we just believed God. And, um, God did give me a couple of scriptures and we had a great hope going into this. Our doctors are very positive. And so we had that hope, obviously, but, um, it's still a journey you have to walk through. It's still something that you have to guard your thoughts about and your heart and your mind because the enemy comes in and he tries to speak lies to you or make you doubt. And, um, that's when we just really have to, we have to know who God is in our journey. We have to begin at some point to really trust him with our lives and who he says he is. So when we're talking about rooting for our kids and there you are with Lindsay and God told you, uh, you just had this whisper from the Lord when you it was, uh, June, was it June? Are you sitting on the beach? No, I was sitting in our, we were in our condo in Corona, Denmark. Yeah. And you were overseas traveling and we, we did pray over that year. We did pray at the beginning of that year, but it was a really difficult year for us. Um, you had a difficult time at your work. Yeah. There were some things that you were going on in your work. And there's some things for me that just hadn't panned out quite the way I thought they were going to and I was a bit discouraged. And, um, gosh, I can't remember what program I was, I was watching something on TV and it was about faith. And I can't think of the exact program at the moment at this moment, but I just saw the sudden felt the Lord just speak to me and just whisper, you're pregnant in my ear. And it was almost like, for me, I just what did one of these things where it was like looking around like, you know, the old Bill Cosby thing were like, was that you God? Was that you God? Yeah. And, um, and I felt like in that moment, I was supposed to wait for a few weeks before going to the doctor. So I did that. And I think you came home and I told you what had happened to me. And then I went to the doctor and I was 12 weeks pregnant. So, yeah. God answers prayer. And we pray for everybody who's going through that right now. There's so many mother's day has, uh, is a beautiful time. Yeah. But at the same time, there's also many dynamics, people who are praying for children, people who are trying to adopt children. And it's a difficult process sometimes. We have others who have just lost their mom, you know, and going through those difficult times. And so there's a lot of dynamics. And so we pray for everyone who's going through that kind of thing. Absolutely. When you think of being a mom and praying for your children is, you know, that's one of the things I think that my dad said one time, he said, he tried to outrun God, but he couldn't outrun his mother's prayers. You know, when he was a sailor in World War II. And I think there's something there, babe. I think prayer is our greatest weapon, whether whether we are a mom or a dad, anybody, I, I think prayer is one of the greatest weapons we have, one of the greatest advocates we have, you know, is that we can take anything to God. There are times when you, that's what you're actually doing, you are, you are petitioning God for your children, you know, because as much as you love your children and you wish that you could save them from every little hurt, every little hurt and disappointment and everything. And I think that's a huge thing as a mom, you know, once you're a mom, you're always a mom. So it's true. You can't remove that feeling from yourself, you know, I mean, you just want to take their pain and you can't. And there have been times where our kids have been going through really, really, really difficult things. And I had to get very vigilant about that and and really take them to the Lord and fast for them and pray for them. And I think that we need to remember that. I think sometimes we get discouraged, overwhelmed with our situations. And we have to remember that God is our advocate and that there is not anything that's not known to him. So there's not anything that's a surprise to him. And he wants us to come to him with every petition that we have. Some of those times require a deeper, deeper level. You know, there are days when my prayer life isn't all that great, but there are times when when I'm consistent with that, the God can speak to me and show me things that are unseen in the unseen, you know. And I think too that it's good to have scriptures like I have asked for specific things for my kids. And I think the word is full of promises for you as a mom. But there is really no greater prayer than a mother's prayer. I was listening to my friend Leanne talk about her and I have a couple of friends who have who have done this Chris Blue and a couple others and I have done this myself that seeing their children in the middle of drug addiction or whatever their problem is, they would take a picture of their child when they were younger and smiling and happy and put those things, you know, like make a vision board for their kids and just, you know, scriptures and those are things that you you keep in front of your face. You keep in front of your face because you know that God's not through with them and the enemy is the liar and all he does is want to kill and destroy your children and your family. And so when we know that, we can stand against that and we can we can believe God for answers. Hey man, you know, God does not consult your past to create your future. Right. And that's that's a mom. That's a heart of a mom. You know, God has, you know, in that sense, God is male and female. Right. He's all those attributes, love and affection and generosity and strength and and you know, I'm talking to my wife Judy on Paul Cole. This is brave men. This is our mother's day special. And so I pulled my wife in who's like, I'm not sure what are you going to say to me? Where are you going? Where are you going on this thing? But you know, when you start talking about being a mom, I don't know a better mom in the world in that sense. I than my beautiful wife. And so what it would have been, you know, now okay. So let's, so here, that was some heavy stuff. So we'd talk about some things. But there's also all the crazy stuff that happens. Right. So now you're your mom. Let me tell this. Let me kind of get the story straight. And the kids were Lindsey was the oldest and then it was Brandon and Bryce and Brandon and Bryce are one year and two days apart. Yes. Right. Yes. That is true. That is true. So now there are five years in range. Is that right? No. Lindsey was four when Bryce was born. Hello. So you had three children four hundred. That's right. Okay. So good for PC. Okay. So we get even greater for PC. Remember that carrying the child that we just talked about? Oh, that's right. That's right. And so, uh, so you walked into the story. I think you had you have, so this is a couple years later. And now you've got a two-year-old maybe or three-year-old probably running around and a four-year-old running around and a seven-year-old little girl. Is that right? And you walked into Albertsons. Is that right? Isn't this, is am I getting the story straight? Well, I just picked them up from school, which was a bad idea. And I decided to go to the grocery store, which was also a bad idea. So at all three of them, and I don't remember how old they were, but they were they were not well-behaved this day. And I walked into the store and you know, Bryce, who I think was maybe three at the time, ran to the, we used to have these videos, you know, old videos that were on display and candy. And then Lindsay ran off to the book. So they were climbing on the boys' ran to the videos and the candy. And Lindsay ran to a book thing. And the bookshelf fell down in the video store. But the candy part, one of the boys pulled the candy down. Yeah, and so I just, yeah, and I'm just like, and I'm really running to one of the carts. Well, no, Lindsay's just, and I'm just like, okay, just grab their hand and quickly just walked right back out of the store. He walked into the store, you're there 30 seconds. It was bad, it was really bad. But all three of them, yeah, so it was so bad. I don't know, I guess it's funny now. It's funny now. Yeah, it's funny now. But the moment I was ready to kill all three of them. And then the time that that Lindsay decided to be a hairdresser? Oh yeah, that was a great day. This is also one of the things that earlier on, you traveled, well, you have traveled our entire life. But when the kids were younger, well, we were, I was in business for most of our married life and traveled a lot in business. And then a lot of stuff. So this was one of those, yeah, this was one of those days where mom was home by herself and it just about had it with them mom home alone. And so I, I was so mad at them all for whatever reason. I have no idea. And I made them all go to their rooms. And then I just, and you know, I just wanted them out of my sight for a minute. And so then all of a sudden they all come walking back. It gets real quiet. Yeah, I'm trying to think too, because I think what had also happened is I think what have precipitated them going to their room was that the boys had gotten into the, they got into a flat, they got into some doctor peppers, Dr. Pepper, and somehow open, just, well, they couldn't open them, they couldn't open them all the way. So they started squirting. Yeah. So they, so they, so they, that went everywhere and they also got into some cheese and some things. And so I had Dr. Pepper and cheese nips all over the floor. Go over the kitchen. I was doing while they were doing this because obviously I was not in the kitchen. Probably washing clothes or something mommesh. Yeah. So I was probably doing some heavy labor of some kind, trying to maintain the family. But anyway, I go to get them and they, or they can walk in down the hallway. And I took one look at Bryce's hair, Brandon's hair. And just sent them back through because Lindsey had cut their hair. She'd not only just cut it. So here's Bryce with hair that used to hang down all the way around his face and stuff to hang down. And she had cut just the middle. So just across, oh, so across and then down. Yes. And Brandon had kind of spiky hair. And it's just the front's cut off. Yeah. Where you would normally spike it out. And I think I just sat down in the middle of the floor and just had a complete meltdown. Oh, you probably came home to a blubbering. But I think you could always tell if the day was going while or not because you'd call and you go, hey, and I go, hey, hey, yeah. Well, those are the things and then, but you, but you just continue to roof your, your kids and you love them and hug them and nourish them. So you've got to get over it. After you get over it. Mommy had a meltdown. I still love you. Don't worry how to melt down. Yeah. And you wrote down some notes. You wrote down some stuff. Is it good stuff? Do you want you to pull them out? Or are you just going to let me? Yeah. So you're going to. Am I leading into it? You're continuing on. I am. I think so. Oh, okay. Am I leading into that or what? Am I, this is how you stay married 50 years? Yeah, but they have to be in context. That has to be in context. Yes. Okay. Can't be humorous because this is heavy. What you wrote down is heavy. It's not heavy. Okay. It's just my truth. You know, things that I believe. That's all. You're awesome, baby. I love you. And, uh, and you have had to, you know, you, you know, in people in ministry and if you've got a pastor, if you are a pastor, you, you would understand. If you've got a, uh, if you're a wife to a pastor or if you pastor, you're going to wife, if you're in ministry, if you travel, if you're in business like my friend Claire Hoover that I just met today, he's, he's traveled 200 days a year. He did that for 15 years, setting up their business. And, uh, that's a lot. That's a lot. And then when he hit 40, you know, his wife's okay. Change shift. And he did. He changed shifted and, and continue to build and found a different way to do it. But the fact is, you know, we're gone a lot sometimes. And, and you have to carry on. You have to live each day, right? Carry on with the kids. And, uh, what was it that sustained you in those times? You know, I was thinking about that. And I was thinking that, um, one of the things that I had to learn early on. And I think, um, it's a bit controversial today, I guess. But when I was a young mom and I was trying to figure out how to do it all without getting overwhelmed, um, I read a book and more with Lindsay, actually, because, you know, your first one's kind of your, um, guinea pig if you will. She don't, you've never been down this road before. And I read, um, The Strongwill Child by Dr. Dobson. Yeah. Yeah. I think that things, yes. And, and today he's, I heard someone feel like, say that he's a bit controversial. And I think the only reason for that would be that, um, what I felt he, he, he gave me was, um, a way to be consistent. Yeah. I felt like I didn't really, I think early on when, and I know this sounds kind of crazy, but you want to be your child's best friend in a way. But that's not our role. My role was not to be my child's best friend. Um, it's my role to be a mom and to steward that child. And that doesn't mean I can't be their best friend. It just means that that's not what I need to be. I need, I am the steward of that baby's life, that young child's life. And so I think one of the hardest things for moms and dads too is just that being consistent. Yeah. No, no, no question. But I think that that, that book came, it kind of gave me an insight. And so it just gave me tools to say, look, structure and tools. This is what's going to happen. If you misbehave, this is what mom's going to do. And this is what's going to happen. Um, if you're, if you're misbehaving. And I think, um, I think that's a bit controversial today because I think, and it doesn't have to mean that you get a spanking. It can be time out. It could be whatever. But for me, it was just like, when I say one, two, three, this is what's going to happen. Now I did paddle my kids and my daughter to this day remembers my brush because one of the things I learned is that it doesn't matter if you're out in the store or if you're at home, that you still need to, to behave the way that you've been raised to behave. Yeah, there's results in a store. If you decide you're going to throw a tantrum, then mommy will take care of those results to behave. Yeah. And, um, right. And so I think that that for me, that book kind of helped me to maintain some sense of order when consistent, consistent framework. Yeah. Here's what it is. And here's how things work. Right. And I think that, you know, to me with, uh, with children, they want to know what that is. They want to know where it's where, because kids are always going to push. It's always. Yeah. Well, they're strong, real people. Yeah. I want this. I want that. I want this. I want that. Why? Because they're the center of their universe. Right. Children are selfish by nature because we are selfish by nature. And so that's why the new birth changes us from being selfish, to being generous. But, but with a child, they have to be taught. They need to be taught and stewarded well. And, um, I, I think that that's so important because, you know, you don't want to be negotiating with your child if you run out into the street. Yeah. You want to be at that point, you have to be. When you say don't do that, that they understand, you know, don't do that. Um, you know, and within that is there is grace and love and kindness and all the things that come with being a parent and a mom. Well, there you go. I think that you hit something really strong right there, baby, is, is that, uh, is that when you discipline your child, discipline, when we, when we study the life of Christ and we study what happens in the Bible, we see what the discipline always comes out of God's love for us. Right. His discipline comes out of his love. Jesus desire for people will always be better. So true discipline doesn't come out of anger or you're embarrassed because they acted up when you're in Walmart or whatever. It has to come out of love. You know, I love you. So you're not going to be this way. Right. Right. And, and I, and I love me so you can't do this to me. But I also will say that, um, you know, that was, um, that was not easy. But, you know, even though you traveled a lot, um, I think our kids felt always felt very safe. Yeah. Um, because you were, you were an excellent dad. And when you came home, um, you know, you were there. You were completely involved and you may have done the thing that you tell other guys to do. You may have pulled over to the side of the road and sealed your mind and said, okay, I'm, I have to go home now. But all we knew was that when you walked in the door, you were ready. And, and you were, um, so present for your kids. And I think that has played a large role in, you know, just the fact that they always felt safe, even though dad wasn't home all the time, even though we thought or whatever we had our normal things. We did. They, they, yes. Somebody asked me what to do. Shock, shock and awe. I had a, remember that, remember that time, it's been a number of years ago. I had a young man that was in our IT department or company and, and, uh, young man named John. It had been married about five years. He and his wife, he came into me and he was just distraught, walked into my office. And Mr. Cole, can I talk to you? I sure have a seat. He goes, man, I'm just jacked up. I said, what's wrong with John? It's my wife and I had an argument. It's really okay. I like, I'm thinking some earth-shaking thing says, no, we had an argument. I said, no, I mean, like, over what? Was this like, you know, another woman or something, another guy, what? He goes, no, we just, we had a discussion. I forget even what it was some mundane thing. They never had an argument. They never had an argument. Five years. He said, I'm trying to wrap my brain around him. Do you have? Hey. So, uh, he said, he said, uh, do you have a scripture for that? You know, for us to help us. And I said, uh, well, the only one that comes to my job, it's really been for Judy and I, our center scripture is iron sharpens iron. Oh boy. Well, because that also speaks of faithfulness, right? That's what that scripture speaks to. It talks about the faithfulness is a brother iron, iron sharpens iron. And I just are, I just cracked out. I never forgot that guy. It's like, you know, so we have, we have our things. We have our things. We have our own sharpens iron. That's, I remember went to a marriage thing one time and they did those boxes. You remember that? Check out for everyone? No, no, no, remember what? Remember that, remember that deal? They, they did the little boxes and they go, okay, these people are compatible. These are, they go, it's okay. This one over here and this one over here should never get married. We look at each other. We'll go. We're those two. I think people are still shocked that we've lasted. Really? Yeah, especially when we were, well, when we were first, yeah, well, maybe so. Well, when we were dating, we were dating. Yeah, okay. I don't know. But we don't have to talk about that, right? No, we don't. It's not because... Well, I mean, it's like, it's that who wrote the book? Who wrote the book? Women are like waffles, women are like spaghetti, men are like waffles. We compartmentalize, right? We got a little compartment. We survived all that. We don't need everything. We don't need to go back. Let's not go back. I mean, it seems to me sometime back, we were listening to a song in the radio or something in the car and you go, so we are going to go back? No, no, we won't go back. Okay. It just reminded you of stuff. And I'm like, that's just a good song. No, don't you remember? Women out there, you feel me, right? Yeah, don't you remember? So I, you know, here's the thing. And also the other thing I want to do is, I want to make sure that all of us pray for those who have lost a mom. And I want to talk about the attributes you'll learn from your mom, okay? Because your mom just went to be with the Lord just a couple of years ago. But we have those who have just recently lost their moms. We have others who are not able have not been able to get pregnant, be with child. And we want to pray for them. And those are things we should remember and be cognizant of in this Mother's Day. We also have a number of women who, who nobody would ever know, but they had an abortion. And so we need to pray for that because that comes up at this time. You think about those things. And then we have others who have gone through different dirt, their relationship with their mom is strained or it's it's torn right now. Mother's Day presents these big challenges. And I think these are the things we need to continue to pray for and hold in our hearts for people even as we enjoy the beauty of Mother's Day. Yeah. You had an amazing mom. I did have an amazing mom. Can I go back for a second now? Yeah, sure. I wanted to say that I want you to do a thing you want. Mother's Day show. I do feel very strongly. I have such a huge respect in regard for single moms. Single moms, and you know, I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about that I think for single moms, you know, I knew that I could like hand over even though you were gone a lot. I still had you, you know. Right. Right. And I could talk to you on the phone and I could vent my feelings and whatever. And I could hand over the load or part of the load of that when you got home. And I just think how courageous and tenacious and amazing single moms are that they do everything on their own. And I would remind them also there's a beautiful Psalm that that means a lot to me. And it's Psalms 103 verse 5. And I'm going to read it out of the amplified because it says that God satisfies your necessity and desire at your personal age in situation with good. So that your youth renewed is like the eagle's strong overcoming and soaring. And I love that verse because I think it's so unique to each person. I kind of obviously relate it to a woman. But I think it's for any of us, you know, that God knows us. He knows the struggle we're in. And he knows how hard it is. And that he restores us in those moments. And he gives us what we need. And I think it's really important to know that there is something that for God is so specific and his promises to us. So I would just say that I just have a huge regard for women who have had to just kind of do it on their own. Because it's and and if you're a divorce single woman that you've had to deal with the rejection of somebody. Yeah, the death of a marriage. Yeah. And also, I think stepmoms, I think stepping into a role of being a mom. I think that for me would be well, we've watched. I would just feel really insecure. And we've seen it. And we've seen it. Yeah, I think it's a movie. We've seen good ones and bad ones and everything in between, you know, and people even with adult children still walking through maybe where there'd been a stepmom for 10 or 15 or 20 years. Right. Well, that's how my mom was, you know. And I and I watched my mom. So really kind of crazy with my mom because my mother lost we lost my father in February. And then I was in a really bad motorcycle. This is when you were 15. Yes. And in the night before Easter of that same year. So four months later, I was in a really bad motorcycle accident. So my mom had no one, you know, and I was in the hospital for three months. And you know, she had three, I had three brothers. So she had three young sons that she had to deal with. And I was in not great shape in the hospital. I think trauma wise, more, more of my emotionally side of me was really, you know, terrified for her. And I wouldn't let her leave the room. I remember those things. And, you know, here she is trying to handle all of this. Plus, you know, when they called her, they didn't say whether I was dead or alive. So she didn't know. So she had to. And she had just lost her husband. Just lost her husband, you know, three months before that. So we ended up moving to Northern California, my grandpa. And she did find some help when my aunts came and stayed with my brothers. But, you know, completely just dealing with that. And she was only 35 years old at the time, you know, and her whole world had just collapsed. And so she moved to Northern California. My grandparents at the time were able to, they bought our little house and we moved, you know, from Central California to the Bay Area, Northern Cal. And my mom just was a survivor, you know, we had hardly anything. We didn't have any money at all. She used to make all my clothes, which was nice and bad at the same time because, you know, and I remember, you know, and again, as a teenager, you're pretty much involved or as a child in particular, you're just involved in your own world. So probably it wasn't until years later what I realized, you know, what a sacrifice. She had, and she went to work. And I ended up having the babies a lot when I was younger, and I really resented that. But, you know, at the same time, you know, she didn't have any other options. So I think what I learned from my mother and my mother, her favorite song was Greatest I Faithful Nuts. And the greatest gift I got over the last few years was, well, my mother ended up moving to Texas, you know, and she lived the last 19 years of her life in Texas. So that was a huge gift to me and to my grandchildren and to my children, actually. To no grandma Jackie. To no grandma Jackie. And I remember she shared one time at church. We had her share on a mother's day. That's right. And she talked about how she just really trusted God that she just, and moments when she didn't know what to do, she just really trusted God. And I call it simple faith, but it's, it was amazing faith, you know, she, all of her children, we were in church every Sunday. We went to everything. And I learned to love Jesus, you know, and I grew up with this amazing faith and all of her kids love and serve the Lord. Yeah, they do. Nobody has gone up in some crazy path. Well, maybe a little bit, but overall, we've overall, you know, in our grandkids, know the Lord. And so she left. Yeah, she was a pretty amazing way. And she had a lot of strength and fortitude, you know, she just, and I think, I think that's what's lacking sometimes, I think, you know, it's just like you just have to do what you have to do. Yeah, fortitude. And you can't just don't bail out, be a victim. So okay, we're going to, I'm going to go this thing through this thing with me and God. And, you know, she was an amazing woman. You learned a lot of things from her. I remember when she did that here at our church that the branded pastors now. It was right here in this place, wasn't it? Yes, yes. That was amazing. Yeah. And, um, you know, and I think it, I think it ministered to not just the women, but it also ministered to you. No question. Stay in innovation. Because we have a lot of single dads out there as well, you know, and we're all in the same boat trying to make it work. There's one other group I'm praying for, because we, we have our daughter-in-law passed away two and a half years ago, and I think of Mary. And Mother's Day is a difficult time for a lot of moms. Yeah. Then I've lost a child. I think of a little girl who just lost her life last, last week here and four, where we live four year old. And I think of the parents and I think of that mom. So these are things at Mother's Day. We enjoy things, but there's people we need to pray for, reach out to, love on, embrace them, and single moms, moms who have lost somebody. I think that's, uh, those are difficult things, but all in all, um, what a, what a delight and what a special privilege to be a mom. Without a doubt, it really is, um, and I think, you know, I think the whole thing for us, for you and I, the way you started out this, this, um, podcast was talking about how do we stay? How do we do it for 50 years? Yeah. How do you do that? You know, um, one of the people I most admire is someone named Bobby Houston, and she's written a book called Stay the Path. And for me, um, that's really what it's all about. Yeah. Not giving up and, you know, in moments where you really want to and listen, there have been many of those moments. Well, I've given you a number of moments. I've helped make you a woman of prayer. You have. Yeah. Let's give you a slow clap for that. No, it's a little God. Help this man get it. Um, yeah. But I mean, I just think the whole, uh, just, you know, keep your eyes on Jesus. Keep them fixed on Jesus. Don't give up, um, because if you don't give up, you'll, you'll see, you know, the longevity of things is what, you know, in that longevity is your story. Yeah. And nobody can ever take your story of God's faithfulness. You know, if you, if you have walked with Jesus for any length of time, um, even in the disappointment, you know, that God is faithful and He'll be faithful to you in your moment, in your particular need and in your particular situation, because he's, he's unique in that. He loves us uniquely and he loves us, um, as a lover and as a passion, all of that loves it with a passion and you can't, you can't improve on it. You can't stop it. You can't push them away. He loves you with a passion. You know, and I would say too that this year has been a really challenging year for a lot of moms because the whole COVID thing and having to have your kids at home while you work and having to, um, have your kids be online and be at home with you when you're not used to it, you know, trying to figure out childcare. Yeah, all of that. I mean, my goodness. Shout out to moms everywhere, you know, because this has been, this has been difficult on many levels. Yeah. Um, yeah. So, and I also would say I think one of the things, this is a thing I think has been supporting you know, moms or wives. I think it's really important to, like you did, to be in the moment, to remember to be in the moment to be sacrificial in your love. You know, I think we just need to learn how we have to, um, at times just lay down our lives for one another, even if we don't feel like it. And I think that whole thing of, you know, being present for, for your kids and for your wife, and you took me away. We went away. We got away. We did those kinds of things, which is good for your kids and for you. Yeah. Good for your soul. Yeah. And then also, you know, I would give you that, you know, five point directive at the start of each week. Here's what I expect. You were really good at following that. I would have been dead. I would have just, you just, I would just, I remember that like slowly ripping up of the paper. I'm sorry, this is not going to shoot. That would have been funny. You know, I just finished one thing. Somebody, again, this is being married 50 years thing. As well, you know, it's part of being the mother's day special, woman, celebrating woman. And, uh, being married 50 years, I, I, uh, joked recently with somebody at a friend of mine, he introduced his wife, said, I married my best friend. And I'm going, dude, I, I, one thing I never thought about was, was sleeping with my best friend when I was in high school because, you know, awkward. And so I think just calling you my best friend actually would dial you back from who you are really in my life. You're a bone of my bone flesh, from my flesh. And is that's way beyond just the best friend. You're so much more than that. And I thank God for you, baby. And I thank God for us. Yes. You know, and I celebrate us. And, um, brave men. This is what we do. Build men, not a hugger kids. Uh, some of the stuff you share was amazing. You should, we should put this in a book. So we would have to write it. Yeah. Together. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. We just do podcasts. Be easy. Let's talk about it. And we could transcribe it. That'd be cool. Anyway, you're an amazing mom. And I thank God for you. And I thank God for him and your children love you with a passion. Your grandchildren love you. And I pray that for every single man and every single marriage listening right now that the Lord would so instill the center of who you are with his presence that you forever are deep within the grip of his grace in life. Last words, you get the last word. I. Is that it? I think I'm done. Really? That's fantastic. That I'm done. Yeah. No, that we covered it. And that, you know, I, you know, I, I did okay in, you know, moving towards that. Well, I would just encourage your guys to just rise up into the thing they know that they should be. Yeah. You know, we, we want you to do that. Yeah. We don't want you to hit us over the head with anything. We just want to be heard and seen and cared for and we should do it like a marriage thing on that. We should do a marriage thing because I'm a solutions person. Yes, you are. And that was so difficult. And sometimes occasionally, it still is to be a solution. No, to, to, for you to tell me something. Oh, and me to not have it solve seven seconds in. Oh, I know. Yeah. That is a guy thing. And that's not always what we're looking for at all. No, not at all. But then there are times when we had to be really direct because you're not getting. Oh, no, we don't get hints. Right. No, we don't get hints. I did get a hint that the best hint I ever had was the year was it Christmas that I bought you a bread maker. Yeah. And I think now listen, for some women, that's very exciting. Yeah, it probably would be for you. Yeah. And so it, so there was no hint. It was, it was very direct and you were very kind. And you said, don't ever give me something for Christmas or my birthday that involves work. And all the women said, now on the other hand, you did give me a vacuum cleaner though. I know. Mother Stan, I think my kids almost fell. They almost died. Yes, this is about four years ago. But we had talked about it. It was an expensive vacuum. It was a nice one. It was. Yeah. And so you were actually happy. Yeah. Okay. So because there hadn't been a hint, it had actually been a little more than a hint. Because I have a thing with vacuum cleaners. We have a, they just died. It's a friend of me to me. They just died. I don't know what happens. I don't know what happens to them. We're now digress to vacuum cleaners. Which, you know, so it's real life. This is real life. Hey, thank you for being a part of Brave Man today. You can find the materials to disciple men at C M N dot men, Christian men's network, C M N dot men. And this has been our Mother's Day special with my amazing spectacular and sexy wife, Judy. And I'm Paul Cole. Thanks for being with us. Remember this hope is alive. Hope has a name. Hope's name is Jesus. Come on. You just experienced Brave Man with Paul Lewis Cole. Paul is president of the Christian men's network. Connect with Paul at C M N dot men or write to him at Paul at C M N dot men.